Christmas thoughts

So we have been in MN about a week now. I have meant to blog more but didn't have the right words. I don't know if I have the right words now but I think I will write some. So we arrived last tuesday and my brother and his family arrived later that night. Then we spent the next day just chilling around the Oman house. Christmas eve day traveled to Willmar to be with my mom's side of the family. The Leonard side. We got to see my grandma at her nursing home along with other family members. We ate so much food which is what we do best. Then Christmas morning opened gifts in our hotel room and went for a quick swim in the heated pool at the hotel we were staying at. Then headed over to see grandma where we spent the day with her and family again.

I have mixed feelings as this Christmas season surrounds me. At times the amount of togetherness seems a lot ... and at times it doesn't seem like enough. Being with my grandma I realized she has gotten older than the last time I saw her. She is doing quite well for 89 but acts different than when i say her last at 87. Being in a Nursing home made me realize again how much I do enjoy older people. In case you didn't know this, when I was in high school me and a few friends started visiting people at the nursing home in our town we went every week I ended be-friending one lady and built quite the relationship with her. Those memories came to me again while sitting at my grandmas nursing home. I wonder will my family still get together as much after when my grandma passes? will we go to Willmar? is this place going to be just a place I went to many years ago? It was so good to see my grandma but hard.

Now we have returned to my cousin's side of the family, the Omans. It's been quite a bit of fun, there are 11 adults and 3 kids under the age of 2. So it makes for an exciting place to be. Loud, laughter, and kids screaming is what fills the air.

But I am finding that at times life seems overwhelming this month has been quite a lot. I so enjoy everything I have gotten to do and people I have seen but yet I feel many things that I don't know how to explain. Ever have days or weeks that you can't really explain? well I am finding that this happens now more than I like. The holidays can be and are quite fun, but something aches within me and stings a little.

We just went for walk in the snow. There is something about doing something that you only do in certain places, like walking in the snow, I only do that here in MN. I love the sound of snow crunching under your feet. I love the sound of my cousin laughing. I love that snow in MN reminds me good things. I sure do love my family and am so glad for their love for me.

Christmas Travels

So I am completely done with my Fall semester of Grad school. The reason I am traveling and able to is not because I am off work, but because I am a student again and a Grad student that is on Christmas Break! wow this has hit me today quite a few times realizing I am actually in this season of life, it's happening.

As much as I can I want to blog my thoughts and experiences this Christmas with my family. There are many reasons for wanting too but I think it would be therapeutic for me.

Today I worked at the front desk of my work study job for a few hours. Then my parents and I finished packing and my dear friend and cohort buddie Cheryl took us to the airport. I went through the Orlando Airport I have never EVER been to or through that airport. As we were going through security I asked my parents when was the last time we all flew together? we think it was when we moved from hawaii to texas more than 15 years ago. We have flown to each other but never together.

We then boarded the plane and ... we flew first class. I actually am glad that I have not yet experienced that joy till now, because honestly COACH sucks compared to first class. We sat in our seats and immediately they served us drinks. My chair was so big I was able to recline and sleep! The service we got was like a 5 star hotel the way the flight attendants talked to us and treated us was different than what I have experienced in Coach. What a treat for us. If you have never experienced the first class way of flying I would recommend it.

So now here we are in Miami. Yes we flew from Orlando to Miami and now we are flying to Minnesota??? Airlines are so great the way they take you some times to the places you need to go. There is a slight hustle bustle in the air as families are trying to get to their flights and attend to their children. The hint of Christmas is in the air with Christmas music playing as you walk the terminal.

So traveling with family... I am used and have traveled alone for many years now. Today my independence came out when my parents tried to help me and I demanded like a child "I got it" ... (I can do it myself) wow God help me. But let me tell you some great things I have found in not traveling alone. The other day Elizabeth (my dear friend in my cohort) and I were talking and she mentioned how she is so used to traveling alone and how if she didn't she could leave her bags and go do something else in the airport. Today I left my bags with my parents and went to the bathroom without anything to bring into the stall with me. CRAZY! then just a little while ago me and my mom went for a walk around the airport bagless while my dad watched our stuff. WOW this kind of traveling is fun and even now we sit here together and chat a little. It's different but enjoyable.

So we leave here and arrive in Minnesota late tonight then my brother, sister-in-law, and niece arrive an hour after us. I am looking forward to our little Kenfield family being together.

Why is people watching so enjoyable it's like live reality T.V. watching families interact, the vast difference of people, artistic couples, the faces on some people makes me curious what are they thinking? what was their day like? what are the holidays like for you? ok going to try a different kind of dissociation... People watching

Feeling Finals

AHHHHH is what I am feeling about now. It is Finals week here in Florida and I am feeling it. I have not blogged in a while and that is simply because every time i open my blog to write my heart and mind have been overwhelmed with what and how to write. That is to say LOTS has been going on in Lani's life, good, hard, difficult, and exciting.

So today I am working on a paper that to be quite frank is probably THE MOST difficult paper I have ever worked on. I have to write my theory on how people change. CHANGE? do people Change? Maybe you are someone who has a good answer for that. I know I am in a counseling program, but this question is almost too complex for me to answer.

So almost done writing it, but as I look over it 8 times now the more I don't like it. ughhhhhh

Then I am studying for my first theology final. That's right you heard me... let me spell it out for you

T. H. E. O. L. O. G. Y. Yes, me Lani is taking a Theology final in Seminary, ahhhhh I can't believe it.

So yesterday I noticed my heart racing a few times, first I awoke in a panic since I had not registered for my classes for Spring. After doing that my heart rate didn't quite slow down. Then I was baby-sitting three kids with my mom and I took us a wild adventure when we should have stayed home, I thought maybe when I get done with baby-sitting my heart will slow down. Then last night was my first Counseling Cohort Christmas party, and I was excited and in a rush to get food ready and get there fairly on time. It was a lot of fun and I thought maybe my heart would slow down after the party.

After studying today, after almost finishing the paper and still feeling anxious.

I guess the feeling of finals is hitting me! After tomorrow it will all be over and done with, and hopefully I can let go of this feeling and rest, relax, and have a lot of FUN!!!

These are the special times

I sit listening to Christmas music, Christmas tree lights lighting up the room.

I have had my mom and dad here with me for almost a week.

Today my parents joined me again for lunch on campus, as we sat near the lake and ate I had to pinch myself. They also have been able to join in on some of two classes, which has been some good conversations.

Today leaving school I rode home with my mom and dad in my car. I hear there voices and the reality of they really are here is starting to sink in. You might be reading this and think I am crazy, and well I am ok with that. It always takes me a while to realize they are in my presence and I think I try not to think and let it sink into my skin cause the thought of them leaving stings.

Tonight me and mom went to the store, and in the weirdest place WALMART I realize I am walking in the store with my mom and my heart just was at ease. My mom said " I am shopping with my daughter" and then tonight saying goodnight and again " We really are together and we aren't talking through a phone or skype"

I think tonight it has sunk in and while yes I know they will be here for a good, long while, I have to still grieve that someday I will once again drop them off and say yet again "Good Bye"

Something about saying that, and what it means is hard to swallow. Even God, Jesus they had to say good byes, I wonder if when Jesus went out to do his ministry if Mary and Joseph cried in saying their good bye's watching him walk away and be gone with out cell phones or ways of communicating so quickly.

So tonight the Christmas song "These are the special times" means something I am going to relish in for this moment, this evening.

These are the Special Times

In these moments, moments of our lives
All the world is ours
And this world is so right
You and I sharing this time together,
Sharing the same dream
As time goes by, we will find

(Chorus)
These are the special times
Times we'll remember
These are the precious times
The tender times, we'll hold in our hearts forever
These are the sweetest times
These times together
And through it all one thing will always be true
The special times are the times I share with you

With each moment, moment passing by
We'll make memories that will last our whole lives
As you and I travel through time together, oh yeah
Living this sweet dream
And every day we can say

(Chorus)

These tender moments
When heaven is so close
These are the moments that I know

(Chorus)

These are the special times

Times we'll remember

These are the precious times

The tender times, we'll hold in our hearts forever

These are the sweetest times

These times together

And through it all one thing will always be true

The special times are the times I share with you

Thanks Giving and Parents arrival

So thanksgiving day started out early for me. I participated in the Turkey Trot 5k that started at 8:00 a.m. it was a great start to my day. I ran the race with my dear friend and co-classmate Elizabeth I was so proud of us we finished the race in about 41 min.

Came home watched the "Macy's Thanksgiving Day" parade which is tradition in my family.

Then went to Elizabeth's house and hung out till heading to the Pipers.

My thanksgiving FEAST.

It was a 4 course meal

Started with Butter Nut Squash soup with bread, it was so delicious.

Then Salad, olives, and a plate of different kinds of cheese

Then the main course with Turkey, Mashed potatoes etc

WE were full needless to say then got into a heated warm pool, and had pie at 10:00 P.m.

It was a wonderful way to spend thanksgiving. I was with dear friends, family, and good food.

The next day my parents arrived from the Philippines. Yesterday we went to target and did some shopping. As we walked the isles my mom said "I am feeling a little overwhelmed" I think the shopping was a culture shock for them, so many choices. As we shop they keep telling me what it is like in other countries shopping. Though they have not been gone long, I think the American way of life can and is a bit overwhelming at times. Then grocery shopping with them was a trip, my dad got so excited with all the options and we ended up with some extra fun foods in our cart.

It has been nice to have my parents here with me, we are making it work with 3 people in my little place. And it's been amazing to hear there stories of where all they have been and what they have been doing. Such a great reminder of the World that is beyond this land.

Bombs and Broken

Sitting at my work study job and can not focus on getting school work done. So i thought maybe I should blog. Maybe if I share some thoughts they won't sit in my head, and I can get other things done that I need to.

Don't expect to much from this entry ** Warning, it's not a happy entry**

These past few days have felt like bombs landing in my life in the most oddest of ways. Each one has left me in a state of broken. I feel like parts of my life have exploded and they are lying around in broken pieces, and I can't help but do nothing with them but just kind of stare at them. As I look at these pieces, I am pondering, crying, shocked, sad, overwhelmed, hurt, numb, dumb founded, in denial, confused, pushing away, stuffing, trying to cover up, and dare i say in some sort of sick way, AMAZED. It's kind of like when you see a accident and you can't help but look.

These bombs and broken pieces I will not forget or walk away from.

Some random thoughts on my mind:

1. It's sometimes is too small of a world

2. Knowing things

3. Practice of confidentiality

4. Struggle with feelings shared, and feelings hidden

5. WHY??!!!???

6. REALLY ???!!!??

7. Nope

8. Stop mind, stop

9. Loving can hurt

10. FALLEN world i will forever never understand you

What I DON'T & DO miss about Hawaii

Today I was driving into School/work and thought this is crazy I get in my car and within 15 min I am at my destination!

What I don't miss about Hawaii and honestly thank God for everyday is the TRAFFIC!!!

I don't miss leaving my house and hour and half early to drive my 16 miles to work.

I don't miss sitting 3 hours a day in my car.

I don't miss driving all over the island for certain things.

I don't miss only one main Highway.

I don't miss my everyday life of sitting in TRAFFIC!!!

What I do Miss?

I miss people, I miss my friends, my co-workers, my hanai family, my old apartment, my church

I miss GOOD beaches

I miss eating good sushi, dining with live music, seeing the sun-set, korean food, Shoyu Chicken, my Li hing Mui slurppy, snorkeling, and I miss the mountains

in the process of learning things I enjoy about ORLANDO.... that list will have to be later

Jogging Gestures

I have started jogging often since being in grad school. I have noticed it helps my mood, feelings, stress levels, probably even my body chemicals.

Usually I get home watch some Oprah and then go out for my evening jog/walk. And every person you come across they or you say "Hi" it's very common here to be quite friendly and greet those you walk by.

It is Fall and the time changed and what used to be my regular time to go out it is now quite dark. I feel rushed to get out for my jog after getting home from my long days at school.

The last two morning I have awaken at 6:00 A.M. so I have gotten up and jogged. It has been an amazing way to start my day. Today I was jogging and I noticed there are quite a few people out jogging but this is a whole different crowd. I have yet to hear someone say "Hi" what I have noticed is people do the lift of the hand ever so slightly and get back to their workout. I couldn't help but laugh a little. I think the AM people are more serious about their fitness, in fact I have hardly seen any walkers. It is mostly runners and bikers. SO this morning I was like ooo maybe I am in the cool jogging hour crowd. I noticed this when I arrived home that I had not walked at all this morning.

So when I want to have a serious jog/run I will be inspired by the morning bunch

What I will say

I just arrived back last night from a Dan Allender conference. I spent that past few days thinking, listening, pondering, talking, processing... Sex Abuse. So needless to say I dont know what all this blog will say for now.

I will try and express that which I feel I will about such a topic and what that experience was like maybe in time but there is nothing certain in what words God will provoke me to write about that experience and if I can even put words to what all was on my mind, heart, and in my being.

The conference was something.

One of my favorite parts was my breaks getting to walk outside and listen... talk with my dearest cousin... and just get some energy out. On one of my walks around the church where the conference was I noticed this little tent. It was "the smoke shack" area. I loved it, I couldn't help walking away smiling, I love that this church has a area for people's addictions to be acted out at church, It was something about this conference though not about Sex Abuse, is something I will never forget.

It was good and yet difficult that my counseling class was there. I was thankful for some safe relationships I have made in this group that I was so glad those people were just physically there.

The weekend ended with a great memory. My dear friend and classmate Elizabeth said as we were waiting after it was done, "I just want to lay in the grass" I was like yes lets do it. So we did, we laid in the grass under a big tree and looked up at the beautiful blue sky and watched. We talked and were silent, It was such a neat way to relax, rejoice and delight in something fun, playful and beautiful.

As it came to a close with a great car trip back with sweet company of memories thus far, a glass of my favorite sparkling wine I am pondering my hearts comfort in new friendships

Random Fun Night

Yesterday after school I was at home packing, and getting ready for a conference I am going to today for the next 3 days. I was bored at times and was feeling like I wish I had something to do with someone like right now! but this is a busy week at school and many of us are getting ready for this conference. And quite honestly I needed to be working on a paper that is due next week.

I looked at my phone and noticed i had several missed calls. Check my messages and a dear College friend ANDY MINA said he just landed in Orlando and will be here for the next day. Ok it's 9:00 P.M. when I get this message. My logical side said "you are busy, get to bed, write you paper...." My Fun side said "It's like college going out at 9:00 and being tired tomorrow will be SO worth it" . I call Andy back an with in the hour we were hanging out at the Cheesecake Factory having drinks, food and laughing.

I have been thinking the last few days of my life in Hawaii, my drive, my house, my life there. As I was driving to meet Andy I was like This, this is why living on the mainland is so great. No one hardly ever drops by Hawaii, but the fact that I have been here 4 months and already seen more than 7 close friends is so rich to my soul.

THIS was a moment of it being worth is to be living on the MAINLAND

It was a fun, Late evening talking of memories. I am tired today but it was SOOOO worth it!

P3 and B2

Today in conversation the P3 and B2 was discussed

this:

Place

Provokes

your Pathologies

it also:

Brings

Beauty

I am finding here only in this place I talk and say things like, "a circus in my head", "The elephant has a hippo on it's back and the giraffe is on the hippo saying PICK Me! "

But the other odd, and crazy thing is here at this place people get what I am saying. Only here in this place can I say things that to the outside world would not make sense.

Today a little relief has come to my gut and in saying words, crazy thoughts, and feelings out loud..... and...... I am sitting in a little less.

What this place is doing is hard, uncertain, unknown. But I think to look at this very blog in 2011 will maybe bring a little bit of comfort to my heart. You made it!

I hope some of these feelings I will never forget

Race for the Cure

Last sunday I ran the "Race for the Cure" it was a 5k. It was an amazing experience to be apart of. I have done other races, but never this one. It was kind of emotional. People were able to wear on their backs who they were running for. It was touching every time I would read some one's name. Then the last 1/2 mile they had signs of women who were remembered, mothers, sisters, daughters, friends. It was hard I was running reading the signs and trying not to CRY!. I was greeted at the last min of the race by my dear friend Cheryl. It was so neat she ran the last bit up to almost the finish line with me. Then after finishing we walked around to the vendors and went into the stadium where the survivors were recognized. It was a "Chicken Skin" moment and was very touching to watch and be a part of. Cheryl is a dear friend of mine here at RTS she is also in my class for the counseling program.

I think I will be doing this race again.

I do hope and pray that in my lifetime we do find "A CURE"!!!

I am in Seminary

Today in my theology class in our small group we discussed when and how we know one is saved....for an hour.

I really am in Seminary

A Walk to Remember

Yesterday I was getting things done around the house and realized it was near my regular time for my daily walk/jog. I have been jogging everyday because I am going to do the "Race For The Cure" this Sunday. My legs were sore from running twice on Saturday (i know it was crazy). So Sunday evening I felt like not going out, but I thought it might be good for my legs to walk some.

So got ready and headed out it was a nice walk then near the end of my walk I found some sticks for a project I am working on for school so I picks up more than a handful and continued my walk. I passed by this lady and we both said the normal walking "hi" I then found some branches I wanted to use so I stopped and started to try and pull them off, when I heard "you must be working on a craft or something" I turned around and saw that it was the lady I had just passed. I told her I was in grad school and getting free things for a project I was working on. She asked if she could help me so I was like ok. I handed her my sticks to hold while I pulled on the branches. Then she and I started walking. It was one of those weird moments where you are not sure if this stranger wants to walk with you or not, so like we had known each other just started walking and talking. (ok here is where it gets exciting)

So she began to tell me when she was in grad school she had to do the same thing and as she talked about her project it was fascinating to hear how she used the theme from the Wizard of Oz. I then asked what she got her masters in and where, .......SHE GOT HER MASTERS FROM UH (University of Hawaii) I stopped walking and was like "NO WAY I just moved from Hawaii". Her name is Robin and she is probably the age of my mom. Her husband was stationed there he worked for the coast guard. We then walked and talked so fast. We shared our memories of food and the places we love in Hawaii. I kept saying how crazy, how fun, and how neat this was. Robin said, "I truly believe life is full of fun accidental happenings ". We exchanged Hawaiian words, and how when we say them here we get crazy looks. It was so neat. Then so quickly it was my street to turn off on. She said "it's been so neat to meet you and talk if you ever need anything feel free to let me know." So she gave me her her e-mail address cause she said i don't want to impose, and if I ever needed anything or to "talk story" she would love to. We both left saying "Aloha" .

As I walked the .2 miles to the house I thought to myself "and I wasn't even going to go out for a walk today, God sometimes you are just pain cool."

It was a walk to remember

Single Saturday

Yesterday was quite a wonderful day. It started out with my neighborhood having a community garage sale. So I grab a big bag and walked my neighborhood. I meet so many people on my block which was really nice, and yesterday was a beautiful day so I enjoyed my walk. I spent $10 and got quite a few neat fun things. Plus I got in about 2 and half hours of walking.

Then i went to my closest mall and it has every store you could think of. It was neat just to walk around, I then found a salon where I got my eyebrows waxed for $8.

I went into Macy's and thought I just want to go look at the Martha Section. Ok if you know anything about me you know I love LOVE Martha Stewart for some reason. So I found the section and it was HUGE much bigger than the one in Hawaii. I was like "O my goodness O my gosh" I was like giddy and must have actually been saying my thoughts out loud cause this sales clerk said you must love that pan, can I help you? I then persisted to tell her how much I just love Martha Stewart and I have never seen a section this big. I swear I was grinning from ear to ear, cause the lady kept listening to me go on and on. I then walked around the section just one more time before leaving with happiness in my heart. As I went down the escalator I thought today would have been much more fun if my mom was shopping with me. I then turned and saw two mothers and daughter walking and talking, it made me sad and made me miss my mom and wish she wasn't so far away. My mom is a great person to shop with, we do shop differently but it's always a good time.

I then went to a outside pumpkin patch, the cool FAll breeze blowing on my skin felt great as I picked out my little pumpkins. These teenagers were helping me because it was their fundraising for a missions trip so that made me feel good about buying pumpkins.

I then went for a evening Fall jog and found my heart just really enjoying my Single Saturday!

The evening ended with a frozen pizza, a large green salad a movie and a few phone calls with friends.

*The pictures are of the pumpkins I got yesterday and glittered today. I have been wanting to do this for weeks and I finally did and I think thy are beautiful, they are even more pretty in person!*

Random thing I like about MEN

I was on my way driving into my part-time job today and at a stop light I saw things that I do like about the male gender. So I thought I would come up with a list.

I like it when guys have their collars up right on t-shirts

I like it when guys wear light blue collared shirts

I like the smell of some cologne which is a different smell from perfume

I like the sound of a group of men laughing

How sunglasses do a wonder for most men's faces

The way blue jeans and t-shirt just is a good look for most guys

They like simple: simple answers, simple dress, simple food, simple fun

Do this in Remembrance of Me

So sunday before last I went to church and we had communion. Something stood out to me like never before. The pastor keep saying the word remember, remembrance and for some reason those words stood out to me more than usually. Jesus said something to the extent of "every time you eat and drink remember me". Well I don't know about you but I eat and drink something many times in a day, so every time EVERY TIME I do I am to remember you, Remember your life, your messages, your love for the poor, your hard journey, your DEATH, your Resurrection. Every time... so in essence you are asking me to remember you Jesus every time I do such normal regular everyday things. As I watched many people go up and take of what we call "Communion" it was this rush of feeling all over me, why then do we tell ourselves to move on or forget others that have died. I think what happened in those moments that sunday was the feeling of Jesus saying it is ok to remember those that you have lost and loved, in fact remembering something about them everyday .... there is something sweet to the soul to allow oneself that joy of Remembering. Loss and death have been things on my mind lately due to people, situations, and months that surround this blog. I have been thinking so much of how much beauty is in remembering, saying, telling, sharing, things remembered.

Why do we rush things, " move on" " they are in a better place" "they are not here they are in heaven" " I'm fine" "it was God' timing"

Why don't we just take time to remember as often as we want or like, if Jesus is asking me to remember HIS DEATH I think there truth and beauty in remembering others whom are not with me anymore on earth.

To anyone who is reading this I hope you remember and never forget

Keep Ya Head Up

So there is a song my 2Pac that I love but I have been listening to it recently and have found it to be well..... Not so true

The song is called "Keep Ya Head Up" maybe you heard it in the movie "Freedom Writers"

The chorus goes: Keep ya head up, oooo child things are gonna get easier ooooo child things are gonna get brighter

So really things are gonna get easier, things are gonna get brighter.

I have to believe that 2Pac was speaking about Peace, Hope and well a better day. While my days in Seminary are not anything like I am sure they were for 2Pac I wonder if he really believed these lyrics or if they are just lyrics.

My experience so far in life is that things don't get easier, or brighter, they may be moments but I think that Life has some pretty rough, tough, and crappy things ahead.

But I can ... KEEP MY HEAD UP!! that is for sure

One of the things that they teach about in 12 steps is the idea of "Fake it till you Make it" while I think this is hard to do I think sometimes this is our only option. So I can KEEP My head up

I am not trying to bring a black cloud on your day. But there is something to be said for TRUTH about life.

I will continue to be me and have bouts of laughter, fun, and enjoy some beauty of things around me, I must KEEP MY HEAD UP

Prophetic Pondering

Last week was quite the week, full to the brim of everything life, studying, papers, and emotions. I share this blog not to sound of one full of anything really profound. You might be reading my blogs and find that I run-on and have incorrect spelling but I ask that you look past that these logs of blogs will tell my story for whatever my story is to share that day.

We are in personal counseling as we go through this program. I am seeing a counselor who graduated from this program 4 years ago. With my feelings of being in a difficult place I informed my counselor of my feelings.. he said "sounds like culture shock to me" I must have sighed relief because he asked "How does that sound?" I was said "relief" because I have done this before, I have experienced culture shock many times in my life so I know hey though it's hard I can do this I lived through it before.

I then got up the next morning and checked my e-mail. There was a e-mail from my mother titled "Praying for you - thoughts on culture shock" I got chicken skin just reading it, I dared not open it for fear I would cry (Last week I cried like 3 times a day) then later I opened it ... and here are my mothers words,

Hi sweetie,

Praying for you as you continue to grow! I had a thought in the night that what you experiencing sounds like culture shock. It’s like when missionaries go overseas, they are so excited to see God put it all together to get there. Then they get there and after the initial,” isn’t this great” then the culture shock and culture stress visits them and they begin to see and experience the difficulties and the things that are not so great!

So as I reflected on your experience I thought, of course, Lani life is now a whole new culture with a new place, new way of living your life and certainly a new schedule etc. So could be your adjustment time. Culture shock is normal for us, I went thru it when we had been here a few months too-all I wanted to do was go back to the way life was in Dallas. But, then when I really thought about it-I thought no, this is best for now. However, I had to give myself time to adjust. It did get better!

Prayed for you during your counseling session as I was up and praying! Love, Mom

How amazing God used two people in my life to tell me the same thing. I think this was a prophetic thing and it helped me to feel a little of God's love surround me.

Lani's Life

So I have decided to start a blog. I think this grad school experience is going to be something I think I will need to blog about. This is a way for anyone who wants to know what my journey here is like will be able to know and keep up to date. This blog does not mean then that I do not want phone calls, other e-mails etc. I hope this blog brings something good for all who read it and for me to be able to look back and see how far I have come and the storms I went through.

Lani's Life......right now I sit a big dark desk. I am doing my work study job at the campus of Reformed Theological Seminary, this is where I go to school. I am living in Orlando Florida, that's right Orlando Florida! yea I still can't believe it either. I am currently a Full time Graduate student trying to get my Masters in Counseling. This program will take me two years! I started in the summer and will begin seeing clients in February (CRAZY). I would say every week since I have been here which I moved to Orlando the start of July and class started July 13. Every Week I think I cry at least once. This program is quite humbling we are challenged to work on ourselves so that we will be able to know how hard it is to be asked to share about ourselves, to go to a 12 step meeting, to be honest with yourself!! yea wow if this is what I am asking of people will come see me someday what a true act of bravery to bare your parts of you to a stranger. Then I work about 15 hours a week, I also have class everyday for 4 hours. It makes for some somewhat busy weeks.

But today I have a case of the monday's or something. I just don't feel like being here.

Ok I know this too shall pass but having trouble shacking it.

Well to those that are reading I hope and pray you have a great monday and I know that life is full of difficult things, changes, people, situations, and well I pray that these things in my life will only make more of who I need to be.

a life that is mine Lani's life