Christmas thoughts

So we have been in MN about a week now. I have meant to blog more but didn't have the right words. I don't know if I have the right words now but I think I will write some. So we arrived last tuesday and my brother and his family arrived later that night. Then we spent the next day just chilling around the Oman house. Christmas eve day traveled to Willmar to be with my mom's side of the family. The Leonard side. We got to see my grandma at her nursing home along with other family members. We ate so much food which is what we do best. Then Christmas morning opened gifts in our hotel room and went for a quick swim in the heated pool at the hotel we were staying at. Then headed over to see grandma where we spent the day with her and family again.

I have mixed feelings as this Christmas season surrounds me. At times the amount of togetherness seems a lot ... and at times it doesn't seem like enough. Being with my grandma I realized she has gotten older than the last time I saw her. She is doing quite well for 89 but acts different than when i say her last at 87. Being in a Nursing home made me realize again how much I do enjoy older people. In case you didn't know this, when I was in high school me and a few friends started visiting people at the nursing home in our town we went every week I ended be-friending one lady and built quite the relationship with her. Those memories came to me again while sitting at my grandmas nursing home. I wonder will my family still get together as much after when my grandma passes? will we go to Willmar? is this place going to be just a place I went to many years ago? It was so good to see my grandma but hard.

Now we have returned to my cousin's side of the family, the Omans. It's been quite a bit of fun, there are 11 adults and 3 kids under the age of 2. So it makes for an exciting place to be. Loud, laughter, and kids screaming is what fills the air.

But I am finding that at times life seems overwhelming this month has been quite a lot. I so enjoy everything I have gotten to do and people I have seen but yet I feel many things that I don't know how to explain. Ever have days or weeks that you can't really explain? well I am finding that this happens now more than I like. The holidays can be and are quite fun, but something aches within me and stings a little.

We just went for walk in the snow. There is something about doing something that you only do in certain places, like walking in the snow, I only do that here in MN. I love the sound of snow crunching under your feet. I love the sound of my cousin laughing. I love that snow in MN reminds me good things. I sure do love my family and am so glad for their love for me.

Christmas Travels

So I am completely done with my Fall semester of Grad school. The reason I am traveling and able to is not because I am off work, but because I am a student again and a Grad student that is on Christmas Break! wow this has hit me today quite a few times realizing I am actually in this season of life, it's happening.

As much as I can I want to blog my thoughts and experiences this Christmas with my family. There are many reasons for wanting too but I think it would be therapeutic for me.

Today I worked at the front desk of my work study job for a few hours. Then my parents and I finished packing and my dear friend and cohort buddie Cheryl took us to the airport. I went through the Orlando Airport I have never EVER been to or through that airport. As we were going through security I asked my parents when was the last time we all flew together? we think it was when we moved from hawaii to texas more than 15 years ago. We have flown to each other but never together.

We then boarded the plane and ... we flew first class. I actually am glad that I have not yet experienced that joy till now, because honestly COACH sucks compared to first class. We sat in our seats and immediately they served us drinks. My chair was so big I was able to recline and sleep! The service we got was like a 5 star hotel the way the flight attendants talked to us and treated us was different than what I have experienced in Coach. What a treat for us. If you have never experienced the first class way of flying I would recommend it.

So now here we are in Miami. Yes we flew from Orlando to Miami and now we are flying to Minnesota??? Airlines are so great the way they take you some times to the places you need to go. There is a slight hustle bustle in the air as families are trying to get to their flights and attend to their children. The hint of Christmas is in the air with Christmas music playing as you walk the terminal.

So traveling with family... I am used and have traveled alone for many years now. Today my independence came out when my parents tried to help me and I demanded like a child "I got it" ... (I can do it myself) wow God help me. But let me tell you some great things I have found in not traveling alone. The other day Elizabeth (my dear friend in my cohort) and I were talking and she mentioned how she is so used to traveling alone and how if she didn't she could leave her bags and go do something else in the airport. Today I left my bags with my parents and went to the bathroom without anything to bring into the stall with me. CRAZY! then just a little while ago me and my mom went for a walk around the airport bagless while my dad watched our stuff. WOW this kind of traveling is fun and even now we sit here together and chat a little. It's different but enjoyable.

So we leave here and arrive in Minnesota late tonight then my brother, sister-in-law, and niece arrive an hour after us. I am looking forward to our little Kenfield family being together.

Why is people watching so enjoyable it's like live reality T.V. watching families interact, the vast difference of people, artistic couples, the faces on some people makes me curious what are they thinking? what was their day like? what are the holidays like for you? ok going to try a different kind of dissociation... People watching

Feeling Finals

AHHHHH is what I am feeling about now. It is Finals week here in Florida and I am feeling it. I have not blogged in a while and that is simply because every time i open my blog to write my heart and mind have been overwhelmed with what and how to write. That is to say LOTS has been going on in Lani's life, good, hard, difficult, and exciting.

So today I am working on a paper that to be quite frank is probably THE MOST difficult paper I have ever worked on. I have to write my theory on how people change. CHANGE? do people Change? Maybe you are someone who has a good answer for that. I know I am in a counseling program, but this question is almost too complex for me to answer.

So almost done writing it, but as I look over it 8 times now the more I don't like it. ughhhhhh

Then I am studying for my first theology final. That's right you heard me... let me spell it out for you

T. H. E. O. L. O. G. Y. Yes, me Lani is taking a Theology final in Seminary, ahhhhh I can't believe it.

So yesterday I noticed my heart racing a few times, first I awoke in a panic since I had not registered for my classes for Spring. After doing that my heart rate didn't quite slow down. Then I was baby-sitting three kids with my mom and I took us a wild adventure when we should have stayed home, I thought maybe when I get done with baby-sitting my heart will slow down. Then last night was my first Counseling Cohort Christmas party, and I was excited and in a rush to get food ready and get there fairly on time. It was a lot of fun and I thought maybe my heart would slow down after the party.

After studying today, after almost finishing the paper and still feeling anxious.

I guess the feeling of finals is hitting me! After tomorrow it will all be over and done with, and hopefully I can let go of this feeling and rest, relax, and have a lot of FUN!!!

These are the special times

I sit listening to Christmas music, Christmas tree lights lighting up the room.

I have had my mom and dad here with me for almost a week.

Today my parents joined me again for lunch on campus, as we sat near the lake and ate I had to pinch myself. They also have been able to join in on some of two classes, which has been some good conversations.

Today leaving school I rode home with my mom and dad in my car. I hear there voices and the reality of they really are here is starting to sink in. You might be reading this and think I am crazy, and well I am ok with that. It always takes me a while to realize they are in my presence and I think I try not to think and let it sink into my skin cause the thought of them leaving stings.

Tonight me and mom went to the store, and in the weirdest place WALMART I realize I am walking in the store with my mom and my heart just was at ease. My mom said " I am shopping with my daughter" and then tonight saying goodnight and again " We really are together and we aren't talking through a phone or skype"

I think tonight it has sunk in and while yes I know they will be here for a good, long while, I have to still grieve that someday I will once again drop them off and say yet again "Good Bye"

Something about saying that, and what it means is hard to swallow. Even God, Jesus they had to say good byes, I wonder if when Jesus went out to do his ministry if Mary and Joseph cried in saying their good bye's watching him walk away and be gone with out cell phones or ways of communicating so quickly.

So tonight the Christmas song "These are the special times" means something I am going to relish in for this moment, this evening.

These are the Special Times

In these moments, moments of our lives
All the world is ours
And this world is so right
You and I sharing this time together,
Sharing the same dream
As time goes by, we will find

(Chorus)
These are the special times
Times we'll remember
These are the precious times
The tender times, we'll hold in our hearts forever
These are the sweetest times
These times together
And through it all one thing will always be true
The special times are the times I share with you

With each moment, moment passing by
We'll make memories that will last our whole lives
As you and I travel through time together, oh yeah
Living this sweet dream
And every day we can say

(Chorus)

These tender moments
When heaven is so close
These are the moments that I know

(Chorus)

These are the special times

Times we'll remember

These are the precious times

The tender times, we'll hold in our hearts forever

These are the sweetest times

These times together

And through it all one thing will always be true

The special times are the times I share with you