"Where have you been"

The very fact that I have not posted anything on my blog in months just shows me how BUSY life has become.  I have sat down to write several times and just said forget it.  I have put "Post a Blog Entry" on my list of things to do each week and have yet to check off till today.

"Where have you been?" ... seems to be the question I feel like I get asked a lot lately. 

So where have i been? why have you not heard from me? Well to be quite honest I have been working.

I now work Monday to Monday. 

I continue to work as a substance abuse counselor Monday - Friday from 5:30am - 2:00pm.
I study with a friend each Tuesday afternoon for several hours for my licensing exam that I plan to take again in November. 
I have supervision each Thursday for an hour, and Group Supervision the last Wednesday of each month.
I work at an In -Treatment residential facility for eating disorders Saturday and Sunday 7:00am - 3:00pm.  I  have house sat for 3 different families this summer.  I have taught some swimming lessons for a family in my small group.  And Once in a while I baby sit.

I know it sounds like a whole lot.  And it is. But truth is, I need the money.  In my unemployment months I accrued a significant amount of debt and I am working very hard to get that paid off.  I need 3,000 direct hours of client contact to work towards getting my license so I also need the hours. For now this is my new season of life.  I remember when I wasn't working how much I longed for something to do... now i have plenty to do.  For the most part I enjoy what i am doing.  I am getting a lot of experience in a lot of different things.  And honestly I enjoy the other odd jobs of baby sitting and house sitting because they are totally different from my day jobs.

Some days are harder than others in having this schedule.  I am trying my best to make sure to do some fun things when I am not working to maintain some quality of  LIFE.  Other days I just want to lay down and rest.  I try to remind myself that this won't last forever and someday I will get to have weekends again but like I said some days are better than others. 

How crazy is this...
I have a Masters degree and an associate license in counseling and I am making the least amount of money I have every made professionally. 



And it's odd that with the amount of busy that has happened how much my longing for a man in my life has been stirred up.
I long for someone to share the financial burden with.  I long for there to be someone else to make life's decisions with.  I long for someone to help me bare the burden's of life with.  I know that marriage is hard, messy, and not perfect.  But I can't help but think of what life would be like if someone was apart of this with me.  I know that if I was married I may not have been able to do all the things I have done like go to Seminary, move to wherever I want, work all these hours, etc.  But I don't know that I want all this freedom all the time.  I know it may sound crazy but sometimes I wish I had someone to argue with besides myself.  I wish I had someone else to decide what to get at the grocery store.  I wish I had someone else's laundry to fold.  I wish that when I opened a suitcase for a trip it had his clothing packed along side mine.  I wish when I planned a trip I had to think of two tickets instead of one.  I still long for man in my life ... and I get afraid that the amount of work I have taken on will prevent this from happening. 

To all of you who read this blog.  Thank you.  I appreciate you and your wanting to know what's happening in my life. thank you to all who have nudged me to keep it up. 

My prodical kitty

 Many of you know who read my blog know that I have two cats.  I got my cats in Hawaii and they have been my travel companions through all these different transitions.  My cats moved with me from Hawaii, Florida, Texas, and now Alabama (and all the moves within each of these places).  They have been sometimes the only constant thing in my life.  There were some days in this past year feeding them is what got me out of bed.  I know this all must sound crazy.  I realize that my cats are not humans.  I know that they are pets. Truth is they have been a part of my life everyday in some way these past 6 years.  I have stories .. crazy stories about each of my kitties.

So here is another one.

June 3:  I was cleaning my apartment and had left the back door and front door to my apartment open. The kitties were hanging out on the steps as they usually do. I had been cleaning for a few hours and noticed that Haku was missing. It was no big deal they go out a lot and sometimes they are gone a few hours. But then a huge storm blew threw and I was sad that she was not in.  I went to church and a dinner and expected to see her when I got home... I didn't.  The rest of the night till 2:00 a.m. I looked for her and waited on the couch by the door hoping she would pop her head in the window to meow at me to let her in...

the next few days were spent calling animal shelters, vets, animal control, walking for hours in my neighborhood, and frankly a lot of crying.  I was shocked at how sad I was.  I was exhausted from constantly checking my doors and thinking of what else I could be doing that would bring her home. I was mad that I had moved her so many times and that if I hadn't moved to Alabama maybe she wouldn't be missing.

After a full week of her missing I couldn't help but think she was dead.  But I kept hearing these crazy stories of cats missing for days or weeks and then showing up.  I tried to hope but it was minimal.

June 12:  I woke up and got out of bed hating my life.  There had been a huge storm that night before and I had only gotten about 2 hours of sleep.  I checked the front and back door as usual and no Haku.  I was getting my lunch together when all of the sudden I heard a meow.  I ran to the back door and in walks my cat!!
AFTER 9 Days of missing ... here she was in my kitchen.  I swept her up into my arms and cried.  I noticed she was so light and frail.  She had a few sores but no broken bones. 

 

 Here are pictures I took right after she walked in.  She just ate and ate. 

My kitty that had been lost came home. 

 

It was the best day. I literally spent my evening just staring at her. I was so happy! and relieved.

 

hoping this didn't all sound too crazy cat lady like. 

A year

Today marks one year since I graduated from seminary where this whole blog thing started.

So since May 21 ,2011 I have ...
Moved to several states (Texas , Alabama)
Took a huge test
Turned 30
Started a job working in drug addiction
Moved to another apartment in Birmingham
Got my ALC ( associate licensed counselor)
And Started another part time job working with eating disorders at inpatient treatment center.

I still miss sometimes sitting in a classroom, being in Seminary.
I miss my class. I miss feeling a sense of really clear direction.

I guess I just wanted to take a moment to remember this day that for me one year ago was my life biggest accomplishment.

Hope

"hope is more than saying, 'it will all be Ok'. As we'll see, suffering and struggle is very much a part of the journey toward freedom. But a hopeful vision dares to defy the voices of despair." - Chuck DeGroat book leaving Egypt

Repentance

I have heard a great many meanings to the word " Repentance".

But today I decided on the meaning I am going to stick with.

" repentance is not changing
Its agreeing with God that your screwed up" - Steve Brown

Happy Easter

My Easter morning consisted of making hot cross buns for a church brunch and picking some flowers in my back yard at my new apartment.

Who is that kitty in the window

This is not a deep or thought out post but couldn't help but take a picture and post it.
Love that my cats bring me smiles.

Pathology ...

Currently my occupation is: Substance Abuse Counselor. But honestly I am more of a case manager/social worker.
I work with people that are addicted to some form of Narcotic. One thing I can tell you is the stories these clients have astound me. Intense disruption is just part of their everyday life.
After sitting with 30 some clients I find that these Ct's are incredibly insightful, introspective, and can read people EXTREMELY Well.

Pathology. I hardly ever used this word in my pre-graduate life.  Now I find I say it and use it in sentences often.  So what does Pathology mean?  Well wikipedia defines it as "the precise study and diagnosis of a disease".  But I have learned to think of Pathology as something that is not so precise.  Last week I asked my friend Cheryl how she would define it.  Cheryl said "I would say Pathology is what gets in the way of our relationships". Well Said!
So since being at the Methadone clinic I have developed a little bit of a theory about Pathology. My Theory is: The more Pathology you were around growing up = the better/quicker you are to read people.  It is amazing how well clients can read people including me.
These clients did not attend training's or take classes.  Many did not finish high school, but they can read you in a snap. Many of them grew up in homes where they had no idea what mom would be like, if she would even remember to feed them.  They have had to learn how to read people so they can protect themselves and be ready for anything that comes their way.  They don't trust me. They feel hopeless to ever being free of drugs.  Mom still takes drugs, Dad is dead from overdosing, their siblings are in the same boat, their friends are in jail.  One client told me that out of the 8 friends they had only one is still alive.   I think Drug Addiction is a lonely addiction... maybe that's true of any addiction.
The other day a Client who has attempted rehab several times feels that they will never be able to be with out Methadone.  They are tired of talking about it.  I know the feeling. I once was venting to one of my beloved Professors in Seminary about this very thing. I feel like I have talked about my wounds and have struggled to know if I have really healed? I mean how many times can I talk about the same struggles, hurts, and pains?  How many years have I spent in counseling now? ... ugh
His kind reaction were these soft words, "Lani Healing happens in layers, like an onion". "You did talk, grieve, and heal for that time, but because you heal in layers God will bring another layer to surface to talk, grieve, and heal from".  
So I told this client that very same thing that was told me.  And the client said that neatest thing.
Client: "Maybe like an onion we have to shed some tears when those layers come off, and maybe if you don't cry maybe your not really peeling off layers of an onion".
Me: (tears welling up in my eyes) "That is so powerful... ".

Maybe we have to peel at our pathologies to find out where more healing and grieving can begin.

Valentines Day

I actually really enjoy Valentines Day.  I know that most single girls hate this day more than most but I actually love it more than most.  I have almost as much Valentines decorations as I do Christmas decorations.

This year I decided to use some crafty gifts my sister-in-law gave me to get my Craft on.

So Monday I baked.  I baked 74 Cupcakes!!! I spent about 5 hours in my small kitchen baking up a storm.

74 Valentines Day Cupcakes

I brought 2 trays of cupcakes into work for my co-workers.  Then yesterday afternoon I dropped off a plate of Cupcakes to the Ver Hoef's, the Youngs, and the Finch's.  
It was really fun! I kind of felt like a Valentine Cupcake Fairy.
I found myself singing "painting the roses red" from Alice in Wonderland.  It was a little bit red heart craziness there for a little while.

Once again yesterday I was reminded of good things that are a part of my life I am building here in Birmingham. It was fun to see so many friends all in one afternoon.  

I know this is kind of a crude, awkward cat photo, but I thought it was funny.  

A big thing

A big thing happened in my family this past week. My parents who have been living in the Philippines for the past 4 years moved back to the untied states of America. Dallas Texas to be exact.
It still hasn't quite sunk in that this really happened. It feels like they are just on another trip back to visit.
This was why I wanted to be in Texas to be close to my parents. It has been bitter sweet knowing this day is here. Sweet in that they are back but bitter in that I still have significant travel time to see them.

But they are on their way here to Birmingham to see me for the weekend. It will be an adventure for sure. We will be sleeping air mattresses. I am not sure how we will eat meals or even what it will look like to chill in the apartment with my limited seating. But I think my missionary parents can handle it. I mean they have had to sleep on floors in foreign counties .... This will be nothing ... Right?

I do wish I had a bed for them, a room for them,a table with chairs, and apartment that felt more like my home.

I am so glad they are coming.
I am glad they got to go to the philippines.
I am so very glad they are back.

Welcome Home Mom and dad!

Positive for People Pleasing

I have officially been employed for three weeks now.  This week I have taken on 13 clients.  It has been an interesting couple of weeks.  Not only have I moved, and tried to get settled into a new life, but in starting a new job also means learning the culture with in a work place. Some days this leaves me more exhausted in trying to figure out what that culture is than actually working with the clients.  Honestly, It probably has a lot to do with my constant struggle of being a full-blown “People Pleaser”.

Though I have been through graduate school and worked on many areas of my life I still at the end of the day struggle intensely with being a “People Pleaser”.  I have noticed that   with each Client that walks into my office I think,  “I want them to like me”. Other thoughts that are loud in my head, “I hope I do something more from them than anyone else has”… no wait the honest truth of what I say in my head really is,  “I am going to rock this clients world more than their last counselor”… pray for me I still am in need of much help. 

There are some phrases I hear around me that just bug the crap out of me. 

“Think Positive”

“I am over it”

“That’s in the past”

“You just need to _____”

If just thinking Positive thoughts really changed people believe me my Job would not be a profession.  There is more to healing and living in this fallen world than just THINKING positive.  We were not created to merely think. 

Really you are “over it”? Really? If one is so called “over it” whatever that means, I don’t think it would need to be said.  Wasn’t it said in Scripture “AS you pass through the waters I will be with you” not “Jump over the Waters!”

What is the point of talking about the present if you can’t talk about the past? If we are to remember the stories of the Old Testament and the New Testament then what is the harm in remembering in our lives what has been, what is, and what will be?  If you are unable to talk about something in your past that is left in the past my twisted advice REVISIT it!

Huh? Reading through this post I am wondering if I need to change my blog title from “Lani’s Life” to Dairy of a Mad White Women…

2nd Day on the Job

I started my new job yesterday.  I am working at a Methadone Clinic.  It is a out patient treatment center for individuals that are addicted to drugs.  Methadone allows some relief from the symptoms that start to kick in once you haven't had a hit in a while or a day.  It basically is a way for people that are addicted to drugs to function, to take care of their kids, or hold a job.
It will be a learning experience... but it still is not counseling.  It is more case management.  Which is what I was trying to avoid doing since I am not a social worker I am a counselor.  I will be able to provide some counseling but it's not the primary focus of treatment.  And did I mention that you don't need a masters to do this job? I have wrestled with some thoughts that run through my head.  "Why did I move to Alabama when I could have done this job... anywhere?"
The staff is super friendly and helpful, but I find at times my heart twisting for brief moments.... this is not what I really want to be doing......
I have been shadowing other Counselors.  Yes technically my position is called "Substance Abuse Counselor" though the counseling is a small piece of what we are doing, a very small piece.  I find that as I observe intakes or counselors meeting with patients I want to ask more questions and get into those dark places they briefly mention.  But that is NOT the job, the job is to get the information, get their signatures so you can move onto the next patient.

I look forward to the day when I will have a office that will be a counseling office.  Where I will be able to sit with others and ask about the details and it will be my job to do so.

I start the job at 5:30 a.m. so I am up at 4:15ish it's a early start to the day.  But it's a quite time that early, and hardly anyone is on the road so it only takes me about 12 min's to get there.  It hurts a little though.  Each morning I kind of wake up a little angry.  But each morning I arrive there are already patients lined up waiting.  It's a busy morning from 5:30 - 11:00 basically for those hours it's  some what organized chaos.  But I will say with that much going on I forget what time of the morning it is.

I guess knowing that this is just a step to getting where I want to be I find that I am not putting too much pressure on myself.  Which has been nice.

This is a somewhat random way to end this post.
 I realize that my grammar and spelling are not very good.  I know that on this blog there are probably many of you that would like to put red ink to many of my posts.  I am going to be taking some time to try to work on those things.  To be honest I have struggled with my grammar, spelling and punctuation my entire life.  But I guess though I don't write correctly or with the best grammar I find that blogging and writing has been something I really enjoy doing.  Please know that I am aware of my writing issues but in this space there lies no red ink and I think because I am not graded in this space it gives me freedom to write as I wish.  It's a little place where writing allows me to experience something that only lies in the new earth.... NO RED INK....

Thankful and weary

There is this word I learned in Graduate school that I find tends to sum up my life and how I feel often.  The word is "Ambivalent" it is feeling two things at once.  So I am ambivalent today.

I am thankful. This past month I was blessed with so many thoughtful cards, gifts, and generous giving from people.  I am thankful for people taking time to write me, call me, or put together a gift and send it to me.  I know those things take time and money.

I am weary.  Many of you know I got a job.  I got a job working as a substance abuse counselor at a Methadone clinic.  I start on Monday and the hours are 5:30 a.m. to 2:00 p.m.  I am so glad to have a way to make some income, and yet I am weary.  I will make less money at this job than I did my first job out of college.  This position does not require a masters degree.  I will only get a few hours to count towards becoming liscened.  But it is a job, and it will be an experience to add to my resume.  I am thankful for having a job after being unemployed for 8 months!
I am once again going to meet new people, learn a new way of how another office runs, and adjust to another change... these thoughts leave me weary and tired.

I have had the opportunity to talk to a few others that have graduated from RTS counseling program and everyone says that the first year out was the hardest.  One friend I talked with said that she believes that there is something Holy in the mundane.  So if she is right than maybe this whole season that has been and seasons that will be is something far greater about ... dare I say it.... Holiness.

Christmas and Birthday

So this year due to where I am in this season of life everyday I have received a Christmas card it has meant so much to me.  Everyday since December 1st I have received many beautiful Christmas cards.  I receive this cards as a actual gift! so I decided how can I display my gifts like you would with those under a tree.  Here is what I came up with one night

Thank you so much to each of you who has sent me a Christmas card I look at them every single day and smile at all the kind words, and beautiful faces that are in my life as family and friends.  Thank you for taking time to make a card and send it my way I treasure them a lot especially this year.

So then I decided I needed to do something fun with my birthday cards I got and here is what the other side of my bed room windows (with out curtains) looks like

Aren't they beautiful.  The top cards are made by kiddos.  The far left is made by Isaac Young and the one's on the right are made by my new community group's triplets Wells, Ann Lawson, and Holland.

What a gift to receive so many birthday cards from all across the country.  Thank you for showing me such love I appreciate it.  Your love and kindness leaves me speechless for how I really feel.

Every night this week I have had something going on at my new Church it's called Red Mountain.  

Sunday night I went to a Ornament exchange which was so much fun

Monday got together with some girls for a mass cookie decorating party we seriously frosted cookies for almost 4 hours. It was so fun and hilarious.  And don't worry we had three delicious bottles of wine to keep us hydrated and to spread Christmas cheer. 

Last night was our Hymn Sing and it was so beautiful.  They had a table at the back with hot drinks and cookies which you could grab any time you wanted even during a hymn.  It was so neat children were running around some laughing some chasing each other and others crying.  And we just sang hymns while life happened around us.  It's so easy going at this church children no matter their state are not a bother mom's aren't rushing after their kids they just sit with ease and we all smile.  It was a neat evening we sang hymn after hymn telling the story of Jesus.  It gave me chills. In fact I feel this advent season has meant more to me than ever before.  I am in a state of longing deep longing for many things... 

a life, a job, a bed, a husband, hope, love, faith, relief, a home, comfort, passing a test, ....

It is a different holiday season I am not shopping for Christmas gifts, I am not packing a suitcase, I am not planning a big meal, I am not trimming a tree or doing tons of baking. So this holiday season the things that have matter the most have been words people have wrote, phone calls, hugs, and advent.

Come oh Long Expectant Jesus 

30 and thriving

Well I was able to get new wheels.  A man who is so kind in helping people with cars named Dick Bergam in Wycliffe sells cars to Missionaries and others for deals and he is sure reliable.  So after many conversations my parents and I decided it would be best for me to go to Texas to get a car.  My parents had miles on Delta so I was able to fly for free to Dallas. It was a quick visit but I got to see a lot of great friends and get to storage for a few more things.  It was nice to just have a car again.
I drove back to alabama a few days later with yet again another loaded car.


I continue to apply to jobs every day and try to use resource I have to get some where.  I did go in for a second interview at a youth home last friday and while it was good it just would be a hour drive to and from the job and it would be working with At-Risk youth.  And it would require taking on managing staff as well.  So it would be a lot of responsibility, but it would be a job!

 This past Saturday I got a chair!! meet my new piece of furniture, I got it off of Criaglist and it does have a slight smoke smell but hey I got it for $40.00 from this sweet family and I love it oh yah and having something to sit on.

 it's just my size my feet can touch the floor when i sit in it.

I was able to get this sweet gift due to family members giving to me so graciously this Christmas.

My 30th Birthday was actually a busy day.  I just joined a small group at my Church and they were having a brunch Sunday morning.  So I got to go and meet a few of the people. The leaders are this sweet couple who have 6 year old triplets and a 2 year old.  They kids all made me birthday cards which was so touching since they had never meet me.  And they have a tradition in their home that when it's your birthday you eat off a "It's your Special Day" plate.  So I ate my breakfast on the special plate.

After break fast we all just hung out for hours just talking.  I got to even jump on the trampoline with the kids and laugh and play we counted jumps and played follow the leader.  It felt great that even at 30 I can still enjoy life's young at heart moments.

Then there was a dessert, I was just thinking that we were having dessert. They came out with cupcakes and 30 candles I was so touched.  Beth and Adam my friends here had brought them over for me they even bought the candles.

the 0 is missing because their 2 year old little son Fletcher wanted to lick a candle!

So how great I had cupcakes ice cream, Mimosa's, coffee, and had birthday cards drawn for me.  It was a great start to my 30's.

I then came home and called some friends and family and opened a few gifts that friends had sent.

Here is my new scarf from my Auntie Linda and Uncle Steve I love it

I am honored and touched by many of who graciously and generously gave to me this year.  Some of you gave by your prayers, others by calls, by cards, and some with financial gifts that I feel totally unworthy of.  THank you I Thank you from the pits of my weary soul.  Thank you for giving me a ray of light a ray of Hope of believing when I can't seem to see any thing worth believing in.  I am blessed and gifted with you dear reader, with your time to read this blog, with your love for me and interest in my life.  Thank you for your gift of love and friendship to me.

I am forever grateful 

No curtains

So there are many things I do not have right now. But one is that I don't have curtains or blinds.  My bedroom windows are the one's I wish I had some sort of curtain or blinds on.
It would be nice since I don't have to get up early for anything to not have the sun shining in on me.
It would be nice to not have to always change in the bathroom.
It would just be nice to have curtains.

Today I realized that my small bathroom has turned into a sort of closet for me, and it's just annoying sometimes to have clothes hanging where I really need my hand towel hanging. But I figure the steam from taking hot showers has to help my clothes stay cleaner which is nice because I don't have a washer dryer.  Many apartments here don't come with washer dryers.  So I have been doing the laundry mat thing and in some ways it's nice but some times like when you just need to wash something right away it's kind of annoying.

I guess I am feeling kind of annoyed today.  I realized today that I have literally watched seasons change and I still don't have a real life.  I have a life in that I have moved somewhere, I have a life in that I have a church I go to, Friends to hang out with, but what I do......I still don't know.  I have watched people enjoy summer, I have seen kids go back to school.  I have watched the season's happen around me the stores decorating for Halloween to Christmas and I still have no life, no job.  Some people probably would envy me I mean I have nothing to do each day and holidays are no different to me than Tuesdays. My Saturdays from Thursday's are no different.  They have not really been that different for a long time. I am sure someday I will look back on this post and wish I had days filled with nothing to do but for now I am just ready to be in a routine and to be back in a world of work days.

Lamenting

I have never heard anyone lament from the pulpit but last night at church we had a time of lamenting and I just wanted to write it on my blog so I might remember this

Lord God, we long for the coming of your kingdom in Jesus Christ, our Lord. We lament before you the signs that your kingdom has not come in fullness. We lament signs of brokenness in the community of nations.

(Silence)
We lament that Christians are persecuted they profess the name of Jesus
(silence)
We lament the broken relationships that bring such pain to many we know
(silence)
We lament that many of our friends, family, and coworkers have chosen to ignore or disown the gospel of Christ
(silence)
We lament racism that lives in our hearts and plagues our community
(silence)
We lament the physical and emotional abuse of children and spouses in our homes
(silence)
With resolute hope, despite our sadness, we pray boldly as our savior has taught us

Our father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtorss. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory for and ever. Amen

Sweet Home Alabama

I have moved to Alabama.  A month ago....
It has been quite the interesting last few weeks. I kept meaning to blog each day about the drive the unpacking boxes and some other crazy Haps so hang on dear reader this is going to be a long one.

The night before my big move I hardly slept.  I ended up getting up at 3 a.m. and arrived into my new Chapter of life by 1:00 p.m. Crossing the state line I stopped at the visitation center . The welcoming sign for the state read Alabama " The Beautiful ".  I do hope this place will bring Beauty into my life.

October 30, 2011

Once I got in I started to unload my car and here is what my apartment began to look like.  I will say it was kind of weird to be back in the apartment that I had only looked at for a few min's and it was kind of hard to adjust to it but since then it has grown on me more each day.  

My friend Cheryl came over right away and helped me with a few boxes and brought me a beautiful bundle of yellow mums and a cookie and a cold bottled beverage. It was great to see a familiar face right away.

 I was only able to pack what I needed in my car and wasn't able to bring my bed.  I did have a air mattress so I started to blow the mattress up around 3 because I was super tired and wanted to lay down.  I had blown up my air mattress many times before with a hair dryer but I guess I forgot this time to make sure to press the cold air botton and I burned a hole in the mattress.  I laid on it trying to see if I could just manage to sleep on the floor because I was SO TIRED. I was talking to a friend on the phone and she encouraged me to go get another one so I could sleep on something. I then proceeded to try to find a target and got lost, went down a one way road the wrong way and then finally found a target.  I got a air mattress and a pump got back to the apartment and then opened the bed and the pump and realized I had bought a car pump.....ughh so after trying to figure out if I should get back in my car and exchange it I decided to try my car.  So here I was dragging my air bed to my car and laying it over the top of my car on the street.  I plugged in the pump and watched my bed inflate.  I then drug the mattress up the stairs threw it on the floor laid some blankets down and feel asleep.

The next day I decided to let my cats out on the lanai to enjoy the outside.  Then all the sudden I see them jump onto a landing between my neighbors balcony.  Then Kala my orange explorer decides to then jump up in someone's window and onto another Balcony. Basically she ended up at the farthest end of my apartment in some one else's space.  I didn't know what to do.  I watched her and called her but she just ignored me.  Then she realized she couldn't get back to me and I saw her jump to another balcony and she just starting meowing very loudly... and she pooped. 

I have not even been at this apartment complex for a day and already my cat has pooped on someone's property.  Then I remembered the maintenance guy lives on the property so I knocked on his door and he was able to let me into the balcony to get her. 

I wish that was the last odd and weird story 

October 31, 2011

   I then started to unpack some boxes and came across my dishes and it is just felt so good to use my dishes I had to stop and take a picture because just seeing my dishes made me smile. I have missed getting to use my things and it felt so good to see them and put them away.  The next day after being in Birmingham was halloween. That night I went over to a friend of her friends house and we walked through their beautifully decorated neighborhood and walked with the trick-or-treaters. My friend Cheryl filled up the back of her truck with hay and all the kids had a hay fight.  It was so hilarious to watch the kids oh and parents have one heck of a fight.

Next funny story.  I have felt like I have been camping.  I had no microwave and no working stove and I am sleeping on a air mattress.  So I had to get creative with what I could eat.  One day it was quite cold and all I wanted was a bowl of hot soup.  This would be a quick and easy meal with working stove, but my gas still had not been turned on yet.  Then I looked at my coffee maker and thought  hummmmmm..... I poured water into the top and put the can of soup into the coffee pot. Creative huh? But unfortunately it wasn't hot but it was a bowl of soup.

The following week a neighbor moving out gave me a desk, a old bench, a set of two drawers, a picnic basket, and a cool pot and vase.  That was a neat unexpected blessing.

The next weekend I drove with Cheryl to Orlando and I got to see good friends.  On the way down I saw these fields of white stuff.  I asked Cheryl what they were and she said it was cotton.  So we pulled over and I got to pick some cotton.  I really am in the deep south.

November 11, 2011

 Being in Orlando felt good.  It felt good to be back in a familiar place that held so much of me.  It was nice to drive and recognize my surroundings and see the faces of people that I love so dearly. I got to hang out with my friend Miranda that saturday.  They were going to be having a garage sale and were getting rid of a bunch of stuff they gave me a microwave, a printer, and a desk.  So we painted this desk together and I was able to bring it back and I am using it like vanity/ drawers.  Here is a picture of our creation we made together.

November 14, 2011

The next weekend I went to Atlanta to be in my dear friend Deborah May's wedding.  It was really neat because fall here is breath taking so the drive to Atlanta was nothing short then BEAUTIFUL.  It was only a 3 hour drive for me so a quick and easy trip.  It was a great weekend getting to see Deborah and her family.  I enjoy the friendships I have in my life and I deeply enjoy getting to connect with people over and over and in moments that matter.  It was a rich weekend and it felt good to be able to be with people that know me and to be apart of her life changing event.  I love you Deborah McCoy!

   

November 19, 2011

I was back in Birmingham and enjoyed a relaxing day just chilling.  I have been going to my friends Church called Red Mountain it's been neat it is different and I honestly feel that I am falling more in love with Liturgy and weekly communion.  They have their service in the evenings which is nice because you get to sabbath the morning.  The other great thing is I can walked to the church. It is literally 3 blocks away.  Went to church and was walking back and saw this guy up ahead walking and everyone in this neighborhood is super friendly so I said hi and he said nothing but I thought well maybe he is just having a bad day. Then as I approached my apartment I noticed a bunch of people outside I thought oh well maybe someone is having a party then I noticed they were all staring at these cars.  Then I looked closer there was a car up a electrical pole... wait a second.... that's my car up the electrical pole.  

Then this girl approached me and said is this your car I am sure my look of shock gave it away. She was on the phone with the police.  The neighbors all began to tell me what happened.  This guy was speeding and swerving down the road and then slammed right into my car. His car was banged up pretty hard and his air bags released.  They said they all ran out and saw him try to start up his car several times but then just got out and stumbled to the side walk and fled.  So the guy I walked by while walking home was the very guy who totaled my car.  I started to walk after him and my neighbor stopped me and told me don't go after him because you don't know how drunk and high or dangerous he is.  

Several people saw it happen and were able to give identification to the cops.  Then I gave the cops my information called my insurance company and walked back into my apartment now with out a car.  I have called the police several times and they still have not found the guy.  This guy drunk and driving totaled my car and now will not have to help me in any way what so ever

 November 20, 2011

By the way that is not my hub cap in the left picture but the actual metal what the tire rests on.

So I have been walking everywhere which was been good exercise and I have gotten to explore the city better on foot but it's been hard to be with out a car. I ended up getting the rental they had for me but I can only use it for 7 days so I wanted to wait to use till I absolutely needed to.  I went on monday to grab the rest of my belongings out of my car.  I will hopefully be getting a check in the mail to get a new one this next week. I am actually going to be flying to Texas to get a car because this guy at Wycliffe has one for the price I can pay right now with out a job.  I will then go to storage and get a few more things.

Ughh so the craziness of my life continues.

I still don't have a job I continue to apply to jobs everyday. I had a interview and did a viewing at a eating disorder clinic the first week I arrived but sadly I still do not have a job.  

so in closing out this super long post here is a picture of my kitties that though they cause me craziness and take up space on my twin size blow up mattress they are my cuddle buddies and I enjoy them.

Leaving Texas

My last week in Texas has been busy seeing people and getting things done.  Sometimes I can't believe I am really doing this.  I am really moving again.

This week I cleaned out the Van Rooy's Garage and Pantry.  It took me 9 hours each day but it was a nice way to make some extra cash before leaving.  Here are pictures of my completed work.

So while being in Texas I have been driving by this counseling center sign and have laughed each time so today I stopped and took a picture.  

It's a counseling Center Called Permanent Resolutions.... I wish going to counseling would cause or guaranty Permanent Resolutions... 

For weeks I have been brainstorming how I was going to pack my car for this trip.  After taking all day I finally have everything in my car that I planned on taking.  I think I did an amazing job.  

Leaving for a new chapter of life in the morning.

I am feeling excited and scared.

A place to call Home

So ... I am moving to Birmingham, Alabama October 30th.

I went out for a visit at the beginning of October and feel in love with the city.  It felt so good to be enjoying the company of good friends, enjoying my surroundings and finding a place to call home.

Yes we are all Counselors

 I have been to many cities and I would say if you have not been to Birmingham GO!

While in Birmingham I stayed with my dear friends Cheryl and Larry Ver Hoef.  If you have been following my blog I wrote about their wedding in April.  Cheryl went through my counseling program with me and she has left an impression on my life that I can't rub off nor do I want to even try.
Cheryl and Larry .... they are kind of odd in the way they love people.  Let me see if I can explain the oddness.
So Cheryl and Larry have a home with 3 bedrooms.  Want to know what they did with the other 2 rooms? They created a place to call home for me and my friend Elizabeth.  They literally call one room "Lani's Room" and the other room "Elizabeth's Room" WHO DOES THAT?  Honestly hearing her talk about preparing this room with me in mind was something I thought you don't get to enjoy on this side of heaven.

A fresh batch of Flowers to greet me each morning 

She made the curtains

"Lani's Room"

Isn't just Beautiful!

The other thing Cheryl and Larry do well is eating good delicious food and drinking incredibly great wine.  I feel like I could do a blog post just on the food alone. Everyday was a decadent feast. 

So while in Birmingham I looked at several apartments and the very last day I found one.  I walked in and felt instantly this is a place to call home. The landlord is a sweet old man who is going to give me the first month free of rent.  It is 5 min's away from Cheryl and Larry.  Here is my new place of residence.  Finally I have an address a place to unload my boxes for a while.  

The Bedroom 

The Kitchen

The Living Room

The Lanai/Porch

 I finally have an answer to two Questions. 

1. When are you moving? October 30, 2011

2. Where are you living? A cute quaint one  bedroom Apartment at Underwood Court

What I still don't have answer's for.

1. Where are you working?

2. Where are you practicing counseling?

3.  What do you do? 

Some days I am excited and hopeful for this new move and other days I am overcome with so much fear, terror and anxiety that I can't move, literally. 

 I get afraid that this move will not work out. 

 I Fear what still is not known.

I have been thinking the last couple days if 3 years ago some person would have walked up to me on the white sandy beaches of Hawaii and said " the next three years you will live in Florida, Texas, and..... ALABAMABA and you will live in those 3 states all within a matter of 6 months".  I would have either been tempted to give them my evilest eye or Laugh really hard with maybe a "Yea right! (wink) ok crazy person". 

I do have some interviews lined up the first week in November.  Here's to hoping that someday on this blog I can share I have a job, a routine, a LIFE again.

Thank you for journeying with me.