Sweet Home Alabama

I have moved to Alabama.  A month ago....
It has been quite the interesting last few weeks. I kept meaning to blog each day about the drive the unpacking boxes and some other crazy Haps so hang on dear reader this is going to be a long one.

The night before my big move I hardly slept.  I ended up getting up at 3 a.m. and arrived into my new Chapter of life by 1:00 p.m. Crossing the state line I stopped at the visitation center . The welcoming sign for the state read Alabama " The Beautiful ".  I do hope this place will bring Beauty into my life.

October 30, 2011

Once I got in I started to unload my car and here is what my apartment began to look like.  I will say it was kind of weird to be back in the apartment that I had only looked at for a few min's and it was kind of hard to adjust to it but since then it has grown on me more each day.  

My friend Cheryl came over right away and helped me with a few boxes and brought me a beautiful bundle of yellow mums and a cookie and a cold bottled beverage. It was great to see a familiar face right away.

 I was only able to pack what I needed in my car and wasn't able to bring my bed.  I did have a air mattress so I started to blow the mattress up around 3 because I was super tired and wanted to lay down.  I had blown up my air mattress many times before with a hair dryer but I guess I forgot this time to make sure to press the cold air botton and I burned a hole in the mattress.  I laid on it trying to see if I could just manage to sleep on the floor because I was SO TIRED. I was talking to a friend on the phone and she encouraged me to go get another one so I could sleep on something. I then proceeded to try to find a target and got lost, went down a one way road the wrong way and then finally found a target.  I got a air mattress and a pump got back to the apartment and then opened the bed and the pump and realized I had bought a car pump.....ughh so after trying to figure out if I should get back in my car and exchange it I decided to try my car.  So here I was dragging my air bed to my car and laying it over the top of my car on the street.  I plugged in the pump and watched my bed inflate.  I then drug the mattress up the stairs threw it on the floor laid some blankets down and feel asleep.

The next day I decided to let my cats out on the lanai to enjoy the outside.  Then all the sudden I see them jump onto a landing between my neighbors balcony.  Then Kala my orange explorer decides to then jump up in someone's window and onto another Balcony. Basically she ended up at the farthest end of my apartment in some one else's space.  I didn't know what to do.  I watched her and called her but she just ignored me.  Then she realized she couldn't get back to me and I saw her jump to another balcony and she just starting meowing very loudly... and she pooped. 

I have not even been at this apartment complex for a day and already my cat has pooped on someone's property.  Then I remembered the maintenance guy lives on the property so I knocked on his door and he was able to let me into the balcony to get her. 

I wish that was the last odd and weird story 

October 31, 2011

   I then started to unpack some boxes and came across my dishes and it is just felt so good to use my dishes I had to stop and take a picture because just seeing my dishes made me smile. I have missed getting to use my things and it felt so good to see them and put them away.  The next day after being in Birmingham was halloween. That night I went over to a friend of her friends house and we walked through their beautifully decorated neighborhood and walked with the trick-or-treaters. My friend Cheryl filled up the back of her truck with hay and all the kids had a hay fight.  It was so hilarious to watch the kids oh and parents have one heck of a fight.

Next funny story.  I have felt like I have been camping.  I had no microwave and no working stove and I am sleeping on a air mattress.  So I had to get creative with what I could eat.  One day it was quite cold and all I wanted was a bowl of hot soup.  This would be a quick and easy meal with working stove, but my gas still had not been turned on yet.  Then I looked at my coffee maker and thought  hummmmmm..... I poured water into the top and put the can of soup into the coffee pot. Creative huh? But unfortunately it wasn't hot but it was a bowl of soup.

The following week a neighbor moving out gave me a desk, a old bench, a set of two drawers, a picnic basket, and a cool pot and vase.  That was a neat unexpected blessing.

The next weekend I drove with Cheryl to Orlando and I got to see good friends.  On the way down I saw these fields of white stuff.  I asked Cheryl what they were and she said it was cotton.  So we pulled over and I got to pick some cotton.  I really am in the deep south.

November 11, 2011

 Being in Orlando felt good.  It felt good to be back in a familiar place that held so much of me.  It was nice to drive and recognize my surroundings and see the faces of people that I love so dearly. I got to hang out with my friend Miranda that saturday.  They were going to be having a garage sale and were getting rid of a bunch of stuff they gave me a microwave, a printer, and a desk.  So we painted this desk together and I was able to bring it back and I am using it like vanity/ drawers.  Here is a picture of our creation we made together.

November 14, 2011

The next weekend I went to Atlanta to be in my dear friend Deborah May's wedding.  It was really neat because fall here is breath taking so the drive to Atlanta was nothing short then BEAUTIFUL.  It was only a 3 hour drive for me so a quick and easy trip.  It was a great weekend getting to see Deborah and her family.  I enjoy the friendships I have in my life and I deeply enjoy getting to connect with people over and over and in moments that matter.  It was a rich weekend and it felt good to be able to be with people that know me and to be apart of her life changing event.  I love you Deborah McCoy!

   

November 19, 2011

I was back in Birmingham and enjoyed a relaxing day just chilling.  I have been going to my friends Church called Red Mountain it's been neat it is different and I honestly feel that I am falling more in love with Liturgy and weekly communion.  They have their service in the evenings which is nice because you get to sabbath the morning.  The other great thing is I can walked to the church. It is literally 3 blocks away.  Went to church and was walking back and saw this guy up ahead walking and everyone in this neighborhood is super friendly so I said hi and he said nothing but I thought well maybe he is just having a bad day. Then as I approached my apartment I noticed a bunch of people outside I thought oh well maybe someone is having a party then I noticed they were all staring at these cars.  Then I looked closer there was a car up a electrical pole... wait a second.... that's my car up the electrical pole.  

Then this girl approached me and said is this your car I am sure my look of shock gave it away. She was on the phone with the police.  The neighbors all began to tell me what happened.  This guy was speeding and swerving down the road and then slammed right into my car. His car was banged up pretty hard and his air bags released.  They said they all ran out and saw him try to start up his car several times but then just got out and stumbled to the side walk and fled.  So the guy I walked by while walking home was the very guy who totaled my car.  I started to walk after him and my neighbor stopped me and told me don't go after him because you don't know how drunk and high or dangerous he is.  

Several people saw it happen and were able to give identification to the cops.  Then I gave the cops my information called my insurance company and walked back into my apartment now with out a car.  I have called the police several times and they still have not found the guy.  This guy drunk and driving totaled my car and now will not have to help me in any way what so ever

 November 20, 2011

By the way that is not my hub cap in the left picture but the actual metal what the tire rests on.

So I have been walking everywhere which was been good exercise and I have gotten to explore the city better on foot but it's been hard to be with out a car. I ended up getting the rental they had for me but I can only use it for 7 days so I wanted to wait to use till I absolutely needed to.  I went on monday to grab the rest of my belongings out of my car.  I will hopefully be getting a check in the mail to get a new one this next week. I am actually going to be flying to Texas to get a car because this guy at Wycliffe has one for the price I can pay right now with out a job.  I will then go to storage and get a few more things.

Ughh so the craziness of my life continues.

I still don't have a job I continue to apply to jobs everyday. I had a interview and did a viewing at a eating disorder clinic the first week I arrived but sadly I still do not have a job.  

so in closing out this super long post here is a picture of my kitties that though they cause me craziness and take up space on my twin size blow up mattress they are my cuddle buddies and I enjoy them.

Leaving Texas

My last week in Texas has been busy seeing people and getting things done.  Sometimes I can't believe I am really doing this.  I am really moving again.

This week I cleaned out the Van Rooy's Garage and Pantry.  It took me 9 hours each day but it was a nice way to make some extra cash before leaving.  Here are pictures of my completed work.

So while being in Texas I have been driving by this counseling center sign and have laughed each time so today I stopped and took a picture.  

It's a counseling Center Called Permanent Resolutions.... I wish going to counseling would cause or guaranty Permanent Resolutions... 

For weeks I have been brainstorming how I was going to pack my car for this trip.  After taking all day I finally have everything in my car that I planned on taking.  I think I did an amazing job.  

Leaving for a new chapter of life in the morning.

I am feeling excited and scared.

A place to call Home

So ... I am moving to Birmingham, Alabama October 30th.

I went out for a visit at the beginning of October and feel in love with the city.  It felt so good to be enjoying the company of good friends, enjoying my surroundings and finding a place to call home.

Yes we are all Counselors

 I have been to many cities and I would say if you have not been to Birmingham GO!

While in Birmingham I stayed with my dear friends Cheryl and Larry Ver Hoef.  If you have been following my blog I wrote about their wedding in April.  Cheryl went through my counseling program with me and she has left an impression on my life that I can't rub off nor do I want to even try.
Cheryl and Larry .... they are kind of odd in the way they love people.  Let me see if I can explain the oddness.
So Cheryl and Larry have a home with 3 bedrooms.  Want to know what they did with the other 2 rooms? They created a place to call home for me and my friend Elizabeth.  They literally call one room "Lani's Room" and the other room "Elizabeth's Room" WHO DOES THAT?  Honestly hearing her talk about preparing this room with me in mind was something I thought you don't get to enjoy on this side of heaven.

A fresh batch of Flowers to greet me each morning 

She made the curtains

"Lani's Room"

Isn't just Beautiful!

The other thing Cheryl and Larry do well is eating good delicious food and drinking incredibly great wine.  I feel like I could do a blog post just on the food alone. Everyday was a decadent feast. 

So while in Birmingham I looked at several apartments and the very last day I found one.  I walked in and felt instantly this is a place to call home. The landlord is a sweet old man who is going to give me the first month free of rent.  It is 5 min's away from Cheryl and Larry.  Here is my new place of residence.  Finally I have an address a place to unload my boxes for a while.  

The Bedroom 

The Kitchen

The Living Room

The Lanai/Porch

 I finally have an answer to two Questions. 

1. When are you moving? October 30, 2011

2. Where are you living? A cute quaint one  bedroom Apartment at Underwood Court

What I still don't have answer's for.

1. Where are you working?

2. Where are you practicing counseling?

3.  What do you do? 

Some days I am excited and hopeful for this new move and other days I am overcome with so much fear, terror and anxiety that I can't move, literally. 

 I get afraid that this move will not work out. 

 I Fear what still is not known.

I have been thinking the last couple days if 3 years ago some person would have walked up to me on the white sandy beaches of Hawaii and said " the next three years you will live in Florida, Texas, and..... ALABAMABA and you will live in those 3 states all within a matter of 6 months".  I would have either been tempted to give them my evilest eye or Laugh really hard with maybe a "Yea right! (wink) ok crazy person". 

I do have some interviews lined up the first week in November.  Here's to hoping that someday on this blog I can share I have a job, a routine, a LIFE again.

Thank you for journeying with me.  

Here we go again.. no wait here I go again

The space in my blogging is because life has been full of so much unknown that there didn't seem anything to write about. So after thinking and thinking and weighing and researching my  life's options and choices with where I am in life... I have decided to move to Alabama.  Birmingham to be exact.  I have a community of people there that are for me and are a community I want to be around because they are people that dream and think the way I want to continue to. Also the laws are different in Alabama and I would be able to see clients sooner.  The state has the exact same exam the NCE and requires the same supervised hours.  I also found out that with the right paper work Texas will accept a License from Alabama.  It's nice to know that I have options.
This decision did not come with out much twisting in my heart because my parents are going to be moving back to Texas in February.  The whole reason I moved out here was to be closer to family and friends and to be somewhere for a while.  

I wish that this move would guarantee that I won't experience loneliness or other hard seasons.
But I guess knowing that those things will still happen and that I get to still choose where I want to be. I  choose this plan.

I don't know all the details yet like where will I live? Work? Most questions my answer still is UNKOWN.  But I am willing to take this risk and just see.

One of my dear friends was saying that sometimes being Courageous looks like Foolishness and some times what looks Foolish is Courageous.

Today I grabbed and loaded boxes into my car from my parents container on a horse ranch... again...
I did this already.  I actually did this exact thing two years ago.  No wait I have put boxes in my car too move many times in the past two years.
I moved to Florida from Hawaii summer of 2009.  Then I stayed with someone for a week, then moved into a home for a month, then moved into a small apartment.  I did all that from June 2009 to August 2009. I then moved again summer of 2010 from that apartment into a house which I shared with 3 other people.
Then I just packed up my stuff again this past summer 2011.  And now I am moving again.
So let's see that's 6 about to be 7 moves in the past 2 years.  YUCK!

As I was loading my car this older man that takes care of the property drove by and asked if I needed help. I said no I was fine, he asked where I was headed. I heard my voice "Alabama" I think you can't even say Alabama with out sounding southern, or with a accent.  He said what? your car has Florida license plates and your in Texas.  I said yea and now I moving to Alabama.
 I am moving to Alabama.
I am moving.

In case your wanting to know:
* I have Florida license plates
* I live in Texas right now
* I am moving to Alabama
* I have a Hawaii Drivers License
What the Heck?!

I find that sometimes I have a hard time understanding or relating to people that were born and raised and stayed in one place.

It was nice to see some of my things again.  I long for the day when I can be out of boxes.

So what my next month looks like.  I am going to  be driving the 10 hour trip to Alabama next week to check out things and visit with good friends.  I will then drive back to Texas and tie up things here. Then I hope to be moving sometime in November.

I still am living in much uncertainty.  I am not very good at waiting season's.

It's not Fair

These hours last week I was taking my National Counseling Exam, doing everything I wanted and hoped to do and feel while taking a huge test.

   The day before the test I took some pictures to capture this season I hope would be ending.

Here is a picture of what I spent more time with than any person the last two months. 

My fingers touched every page of every book.  I wrote notes in the notebook, made note cards, watched a DVD training, and took a online test prep course.  This is the desk I have sat at with these books.

These are the posters I made and looked at every day 

The week before the test I enjoyed what I was studying and learning most of the time.  The day before I stopped all studying and just enjoyed a relaxing day, ate lunch with a friend, talked on the phone to  friends, stayed at a Friends Guest House closer to testing site, took a nice bubble bath and tried to get to bed early.

Test day I felt surprisingly calm...After almost 4 long hours with breaks, I walked to the test proctor and was given my things along with a piece of paper.  She had turned the paper over when handing it to me.  I took a deep breath turned it over... there it read "Fail".  You have to score at least a 91 to pass.  I scored a 81.  TEN points off ...Ten points.  The test proctor said "that's a hard one, you'll do better next time" I nodded my head and walked to my car, tears streamed down and then starting overflowing.  I wish I had thought to have someone there when I walked out.  I couldn't bring in my cell phone so I left it at the house. Here I was alone in my car, screaming, crying, feeling numb, confused, sad, devastated.

Then it hit me I have to wait 3 months before I can take it again.  I hate that counselors do this to counselors.  I hate that a test determines if I get to do what I feel so passionate about.  I HATE Tests, Test scores prove nothing about a person's soul.  I wish someone could just watch me counsel then decide if I should be allowed to do this, But NO!! some other person that is better at memorizing, taking tests gets to do this.  I don't have the brains.... but I have the heart. I wish that was worth something.  I wish what other people think I can do well would give me a job.  IT's NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!

I went to the guest house sat on the back porch swing and wept.

Then slowly started telling people.  I have felt defeated, humiliated.  I don't understand fully how one is to deal with sadness and allow us to be a part of it but here are a few thoughts I have had lately.
When someone thinks something is funny they laugh.   Others Laugh.
When someone thinks something is fun they get excited  Others get excited, want to join in
When someone smiles           Others smile
Why do we when we see someone cry do we not just reflect back similar responses like we do with other emotions.
Why when someone is sad do we say, it will be ok, this just means somethings better, look at the bright side.....
When someone is happy or laughing we don't say, hey simmer down don't forget they is a down side.

How do we learn that some emotions are good and others are bad? Why can't all emotions just be that which we they, what we feel.  I understand it's not healthy for one to live in an extreme.
If someone is sad all they time for a long time it could mean something more
If someone is angry all the time for a long time it could mean something more
If someone is happy all the time..... I don't trust you.   This is a Fallen World, it is a broken world.

Everyone who has wrote me or called, thank you. 

I am not sure what is next.
Taking it one day at a time

Every Day is Groundhogs day

So every day I live almost the same day.
I get up sometime around 8ish.
8 am: Open blinds, make bed, get dressed, feed cats, walk dogs for 10 min's, eat breakfast, drink one cup of coffee
9 -10: start studying
10- 1: study for 20 to 30 min at a time
1-2: Eat lunch with everyone in the house
2- 6: study for 20 - 30 min at a time, drink half a cup of coffee or something with caffeine
6-7: Eat dinner
7-9: hang with the Van Rooy's or watch a movie
9:30 take shower
10: Get in bed

....and tomorrow I will do it all over again.
Now I have to be honest.  Some day's I don't start studying till 11 or dare I say it, 1 pm. I have had times I decided I needed to take and break and I look at the clock and it's been 2 hours.  It may look like a crazy amount of studying but the time I am actually studying (retaining information) varies.  I have days that I feel like " yes this is great, I can make it".  And other days I feel like " why did I ever think I could do this? I hate I my life".  The one thing that changes everyday is either I feel great or discouraged.
I have these moments that I realize the patheticness of my life.  Want to hear one example?... I am warning you it is lame... I drive my netflixs videos to the post office. I actually get out of my car and walk it into the post office to drop off my one, yes ONE video.  I feel silly. I mean what if someone is sitting in their car watching me?  On top of that I have had moments where I catch myself talking to myself while I do it.  Bless my heart. Oh dear.

I recently watched the movie "127 Hours" which is the true story of the guy who got stuck while rock climbing and had to cut off his own arm.  (I wouldn't recommend for the faint at heart) But I cried while watching it.  I can identity with him.  I feel stuck too.  I feel alone. I feel like I am going crazy some days.  I feel like sometimes I am just trying to survive.  And I think I will leave part of my being in this past month. I often think July early August will be a time on the Calendar that I will never ever look at the same.  This season as well as others has left a mark on my life.

I am living with one of my best friends (Stephanie) parents.  Stephanie and her husband and family dropped off their dogs at the house while they take 4 trips. I have taken on taking care of the dogs.  They have been a form of therapy for me.  I take them out for a 15min walk about every 2 hours.  They need to be let out therefore I have to get out and move around.

Here is a picture of the dogs that I think have helped keep me sane at moments.

One week left of studying ... Test Day August 11.  8-11-11 is a big day in my world.

Some things that have been helpful:  a Friends words on not putting so much pressure on one day knowing that I have other options I am wanted in other places too.
Friends that call and check in on me.  I have decided the day before my test I am going to not study and celebrate by doing some fun things.

I think mostly I look forward to the day I will read this post and be mindful of the journey

What studying has revealed

So I am studying for the NCE (National Counseling Exam)... every. single. day.

Part of the section I was studying yesterday made sense to every part of my being.

Grief and Loss
1. Grief is the normal intense emotional state associated with the loss of someone or something with whom or which one has had a deep emotional bond.
2. Loss refers to many kinds of deprivation

Yes! that is it those are the words to what I am feeling and experiencing.  I am grieving many someones and somethings that I have/had an incredibly DEEP Emotional bond with.  My whole past two yeas has been about emotional bonding not just bonding. It has been about emotionally bonding with myself, others, and God.

I have also just experienced Great loss and am deprived of many things and it stings.

In trying to figure out how to be kind to myself in this season I have restarted counseling again.  I am so thankful for it.  Though I can't wait to be sitting with clients again I am thankful for the times I get to sit on the other end.
I also would like to thank Skype for allowing me to have conversations that feed my soul better than a phone call.  I have been skyping with friends and family through out the week laughing, crying, and just enjoying seeing their faces. Skype has felt like a kind thing to do for myself as well.

On a Random Note: I saw a peacock this morning