Birthday

So I know that it's been almost a week since my Birthday (my Birthday is on December 18) but because this is my blog I am going to still write a little bit about it. So usually my Birthday has always been a special day, most of my life I feel like something magical happens on a birthday that feels different than any other day of the year. It's a day devoted to celebrating your life beginning on earth, it's not about anything else that has happened like a holiday, it's your day to be recognized for being alive. Then when I 26 something happened. Something shifted in me. I started to begin to really dislike my birthday. December is a super busy month for most people including me. It is the month youspend more money than you have, attend more parties than you have, and drink, eat, finish school and be busy busy busy. So 26 I just got plain tired. I didn't want to go out, I didn't want to spend money, I didn't want to do anything extra. And honestly I have felt like this ever since. I often notice that the day before or even the day of my birthday I just get depressed. I am afraid that I won't know how I am really going to feel about the day, if I will want to celebrate big or low key. Last year my parents were with me and I was feeling likenotwanting to do much, so we stayed home and just order pizza and watched a movie.
So this year the day before my birthday I was telling Elizabeth I am not sure what I wanted to really do the next day. I warned her that I might be sad. That week had been a little crazy with a 3 day intensive class and clinic, and being up late the night before, so I was tired. While lying in bed that night I just let myself cry and feel the sadness that right now in life my birthday feels like one more thing to add to the already crazy month of December.I woke up the next morning afraid still of how I would feel but was somehow (through some self-talk) able to be present in my world and really was able to enjoymy birthday. And thanks to good friends it really was a great day. Me andElizabeth went for a quick walk before it started to rain. Ate break fast at Briar Patch with Miranda and Elizabeth, went to April's shower, attended our class Christmas party and they even had a birthday cake for me! and then went to see "the tourist" with Elizabeth. It actually was not to shabby of a day.

So here it goes the last year of my 20's. May it be a good one...

The Beginning of the End

Wow what just happened?.... did I just register for my last semester at RTS? ... Hummm not sure what to think right now. This seems like a big deal. That felt normal and yet I found myself taking my time, since really who knows the next if ever time I will register for a class again. So this journey of Grad School in Seminary is taking it's final turn. I only have 5 months left here at this place.

The reality of life after here is starting to really sink in. I think of the Cards I have in my hand to play. Where should I go? What kind of counseling job should I look into? Where? When? After sitting in Chuck's class this week, there has been a desire to wonder if I should stay near to this "Womb"... Would it be a good idea to play the stay in Florida card and get supervision from probably the best Supervisor's anyone could ask for? Should I play the go to San Francisco card and sit under Chuck's guidance and leading? Should I play the go to Texas card and probably be able to afford to live alone? Texas is a known place with some known people and that is a pretty big card.

Thank you, to You. Thanks for taking time to read this blog as I have and continued to go through this thing. I hope to have moments where I just stop and enjoy this place, parts of me want this to go by, and many other parts of me want the next 5 months to be slow and long.

So the beginning of the End of this chapter of my life happens.

Feels like Christmas

It's been a long last three days. I just took our Systematic Theology and Counseling class With Chuck DeGroat, he is simply put... an amazing proff. But it feels like Christmas because last year the Fall Semester ended with a 3 day class with him. I have gone to do the yearly Christmas shopping and there is a hustle and bustle that is quite noticeable.

Last night me and my roomie/friend Elizabeth went for a cool night walk it was so cold that our faces got a little red. The town I live in does this Christmas tradition where the Fire Fighters put Santa on their Fire Truck and go through the neighborhood and throw candy. So last night we got to see Santa, it was fun. Then walked home and drank hot coco and swirled it with a candy cane.

Finals Finished

Well I did it! I just turned in my last two papers for my final Fall Semester! gosh that feels good to say. I actually still have one more class to finish. It will be for three days December 13-15 and I am hoping that Chuck doesn't assign too much.

It's so crazy to think I only have one more semester left here WOW. I still have moments where I actually can't believe this is really happening. I am really in Seminary, I am really in Graduate School. I am really FOR REAL seeing clients and providing counseling services to individuals.

Though I am glad to be done, this day, this day has had a rough start. Last night I was up late for a good reason. I was skyping with my dear Hanai Grandma Lila and got to interview her for a class assignment. It was fun to see her face and talk story with her, but it made me miss her and made me miss Hawaii. So I had some trouble falling asleep. Then the morning... I got to school and realized that I had left my cell phone at home, I wore my house shoe out instead of putting on the shoes i had intended to wear, I left my special Starbucks cup, I left my lipstick I wanted to wear, I left my sunglasses, I left this book I wanted to look at, I left my watch. Then I had a moment where I thought I lost this paper I had wrote yesterday that was due today, but luckily I had a classmate help me find it! thank God. So it's kind of been one of those "No good, Terribly, Horrible, Very Bad Day's". But it did bring me much joy to turn those papers in.

Other Life Hap's, Tomorrow is our Clinical Review. This is where you sit before every supervisor at RTS and they give you 15 min feed back. While they keep telling us it's no big deal and not to worry, something about having lots of very important people looking at you, listening to you, watching you answer questions makes me kind of nervous. Maybe I will try to blog about that sometime after tomorrow.

A Christmas Surprise

So if you have been reading my blog you know that life's been a little rough with hints of some sweetness.

I have not blogged about Christmas because frankly it would have been too painful. I have been trying very hard to not think about Christmas a whole lot this year for many different reasons like my family is so spread out, my parents are far away, being single, just to name a few reasons . I have hated the normal question, "Lani what are you doing for Christmas?" I had planned on Christmas being me and my cats just trying to make it through the day. I had so many great kind offers for the holidays and yet nothing seemed to feel what my heart was aching for... my family.

Last week after a long conversation with my friend Elizabeth she said I should go be with my brother. So a week ago I bought a ticket to California, and was happy that I was going to get to see my brother.

This past weekend I had the most horrible dream. I awoke in a panic and filled with deep sadness, I missed my parents deeply and wanted to be with them terribly. Elizabeth was so kind to listen to my whole dream and hear me talk through life phases yet to come that I dread. Then we went for a nice Saturday walk and ate at the Oviedo Townhouse which is this cute little small town restaurant. Then enjoyed my afternoon doing a few things. I had wrote my parents an e-mail to call me when they got a chance because I just wanted to hear their voices. Then heading out to my evening I got a call from my mom, I shared with her about my bad dream then she said I am so sorry to hear about your bad dream but I have some good news. I was like what? She said we are house sitting for a couple in Laguna Beach, California for the holidays were leaving for California tomorrow, and so we will pick you up at the airport.... Silence.... I was in shock.. What? What's going to happen? I think I asked my mom to tell me again. I still can't believe it, I was planning on spending my Christmas alone with my cats, and now I will be spending Christmas with my brother, sister-in-law, niece, and my parents. I am going to be with my WHOLE FAMILY for Christmas. I was filled with gladness my eyes would not stop with the flowing of tears. I am thrilled to post on my blog, that I will be HAVING Christmas with the people i love more than LIFe itself, and I will not a "Blue Christmas" but as "Fabulous Christmas".

I feel so lucky, blessed, excited, and so relieved for my unexpected Christmas surprise.

Thanksgiving done differently

Here are just a few pictures of my Fall season. It started out with a trip to IN to visit my cousin, and taking her two boys to a Pumpkin Patch. It was true Fall.

Then back in Orlando. Me, Elizabeth and Cheryl made the most amazing carmel apples. They were Really Delicious if I must say so myself.

Then Thanksgiving day started out early. I was up @ 6:00a.m. getting ready for my 2nd Turkey Trot with Elizabeth. I did not train as much actually I didn't really train at all for this race so my body was feeling it later that day. But it was a fun race to do, i might just make this my new tradition.

So since it's been quite the month. After talking with my roommate and dearest friend Elizabeth we decided to do something totally different and crazy for Thanksgiving. So my Thanksgiving was spent at the Marriott Resort. I spent my thanksgiving day laying by the pool, reading my Martha Magazine, and just chilling. The evening was spent enjoying a bottle of prosecco, eating a delicious bacon burger, sharing what we are thankful for, and having carrot cake in a king size comfy bed. Then at 12:30 a.m. the fire alarm went off and we had to evacuate the building. The fire alarm was THE MOST ANNOYING SOUND EVER!. But no worries all was fine, it just was hard to fall back asleep. It will be a thanksgiving I will never forget!

So now I am in South Carolina enjoying chilling and relaxing while Elizabeth does her wedding stuff. It has been a one of kind weekend so thankful for friends and for crazy last minute ideas that make life rich and full

My Banner

Due to some thoughts and reading of others thoughts. I have decided I think I am ready to share one of my life's banner on my blog.

My Banner : "Christians don't Lament Enough"

I am drawn to Christians that Lament. When I hear someone lamenting, I get encouraged, excited, it makes me feel normal. Somehow (my experience) I feel that as Christians we are to rejoice, give thanks, and make a joyful noise... more than we are to Lament. HOLD on. I am not saying that those things are wrong. But we live in a Fallen world, this is not Heaven. I hardly ever walk into church and hear people Lament, I mean really feeling the intensity of really Letting God hear our REAL thoughts about life.

I recently was asked the question to fill in the blank.

God is _______________________

I think the church teaches me to say things like Good, Mighty, Wonderful. But I wonder what if no one was looking, what if no one could hear you, what if you let your true self be heard. How would you answer the question?

Other thoughts...

Last night i asked my friend about heaven on earth. She said that there are echos of it, for tastes. I asked so when? where? how? have you experienced the echos and for tastes? Her response was in nature, mountains, sunsets, standing in the middle of a forest. In conversations with friends, laughter with others, being heard. She also mentioned having a good meal and eating food that is so Ono (Hawaiian for good), so delicious and tasty.

Question: do you hear the Echos of Heaven do experience for tastes?

somehow I feel this post it just the start of one ongoing long post