Termination

There sometimes comes this time in counseling where things will change between you and a client. There comes the end. We refer to this in the counseling world as "Termination" . I sometimes wish there was a better word to describe this event. Termination sounds so harsh, so final, so not warm & fuzzy.

Sometimes clients choose when to end counseling. Other times situations in their lives determine when the end is. I know that one can't be in counseling forever but i wonder when is it ever "The Right Time" to end?

The program I am in here at RTS uses a "Relational Model" which I am all about except that with this model comes enduring pain and loss. I am taught to build a relationship with my clients, to do relationship in the room so that healing can happen. The problem is that I really do. Relationship really does happen I get attached to them I learn about their stories. Sometimes I laugh with Clients, other times I cry with Clients. We really do RELATIONSHIP in those rooms. In fact, the other day a classmate shared with a look of sadness that a client had terminated. Seeing the sadness on my classmates face meant that they had let relationship happen as well. I guess we really are at some level attached to those we sit with.

So because we do relationship with Clients then when they leave it hurts like in a real relationship. I didn't know that this would happen no one told me I would miss clients. BUT I DO. There are some clients that I miss sitting with, I wonder about them, I wonder how life is going for them. In relationships like my family or friends, when our time together has ended I can call them up, shot them a e-mail, or make plans to see them again someday. But with Clients I don't have that opportunity.

I just am left with wonder and hope for their lives.

Being Present

"Just be Present" these are words I hear often in my counseling program. I get used to hearing words like, be present, be curious, bring it into the room. Somehow I feel I get stuck in a routine or wonder if by saying or thinking about these words too much they loose their value. The other day I was doing reading for one of my classes and came across some words I thought needed to be posted in my blog, if not for you my reader for me someday to look back on get it's value.

This is from the "Catalyst On line" Titled: A present Grace: The relational bedrock of Pastoral counseling and care.

"The process of transformation in a person's life is not a fast one, and witnessing to God's love, grace, and forgiveness is less about words and more about a relational experience. As people experience love, grace, empathy, patience, and forgiveness in relationships, rather than merely words, they are profoundly impacted. Giving advice often comes too quickly and easily. Advice, when given, should come out of a prolonged time of being present with the other person. The difficulty with being present with someone, for most pastors and counselors, is the loss of control it entails and the anxiety it brings up about one's inability to "fix" others or ourselves.

Attempting to fix situations is much easier than sitting on the mourner's bench with the person."

From the book: Not The Way It's Suppose to Be,

"Everything's supposed to be different than what it is here". - Mac in Grand Canyon

Other great books I am reading for this class:

Theology The Basics By Alister E. McGrath

Not The Way It's Suppose To Be By Cornelius Plantinga Jr.

Can you tell I am a Seminary student?

A Train Ride

Why is it that the sound of the engine, the swaying of the car, and the rushing of the scenery while riding a train makes me feel so old world? How come we don’t ride train’s more often? I love my independence and the convenience of driving my car, but right now riding this train the world seems to slow down if only for a few moments as I listen to this train car rattle . Outside I see bright, orange, yellow, red, fall tress move past my window like some long beautiful, on going painting. Sitting on this train makes me want to write. Write my life, write my thoughts. Hearing the train horn and the stillness in this train car feels good to my soul.

I am riding this train into the great city of Chicago where I will be attending my former roomie and dear friend from Hawaii Stephanie Lawson’s wedding. I will be the maid of honor for the third time in my life. Each and every time has been just what it’s called a true “honor”. So sitting in the seat next to me is my brides maid dress, just chilling. I will get off this train walk a mile near the magnificent mile and get on another train that will take me to Stephanie’s parents house.

I am on fall break from school, and have taken a few of my vacation days from the clinic to have a vacation. I spent the last 5 days visiting my cousin and her new addition to her family. I think it’s amazing that while our lives are at two very different places we still need each other and want to be involved and in the know of what are lives our like. The bond I have with my cousin might be better thought as more of a sister type bond. She is the only person outside my immediate family that has known me my whole life and has kept up with my life happenings all my life. She is a Great mom. I can say this because I witnessed it all week long. But she is also a dear sister/friend.

While in IN I got to see and visit Michael and Suzanna Cover. I have known Michael since 7^th grade. I had not seen him for almost 5 years. It was so neat to sit with a friend and his wife and get to talk about life. It's neat to sit with people who really want to know about your life. It’s in moments like these that cause me to take awe of how crazy and amazing life is.

I wonder what it’s like for these people living near this rail road hearing the sound of it's horn several times a day. Out my window I saw an older lady sitting on her porch and she was waving at the train, I wonder how many times has she done that today? Will i ever get to live in a place where I will experience all 4 seasons.

Well going to close my computer and enjoy taking in the view and the moment of feeling old world like.

Summer of Weddings

This past weekend I went to my dear Friend in my counseling program Miranda's wedding. As I sat at the weddding ceremony I started adding up how many weddings I have been to this summer. That number would be 5! 5 weddings just this summer, and i am in another wedding this October for my former roomie Stephanie in Chicago. It has been really fun to be apart of so many people's big day. I love getting to celebrate with friends. It has been fun to see how each couples personality comes out in the wedding. Each wedding has been different and so them. The amount of time and creative juices that each couple put into their wedding day is astounding. I want to thank my lovely mom who bought me the dress I wore to all these weddings, YES I did I wore the same dress every time. So total weddings Lani has gone to since junior year of high school .... 79 weddings.

Friends & Road Trips

I have not posted in a long time, but I wrote this entry more than a month ago and thought I would post it.

The week's just keep filling up. Last week I took one of the most amazing classes ever, " Healing Metaphors" it was a packed week. Amazing Class all day then clinic all night. Then Thursday evening I got to see my dear Friend Damon. Damon and I led a small group bible study together for High School girls while I was in college. Damon is a mom with children my age but is very much considered to me as a Friend. Damon was in Orlando with her daughter and I got to see her last week. It had been about 5 years since I last saw her. There is something about seeing a familiar face of someone that does something to your soul. Damon thank you for all your love and support for all these years, and thank you for being a faithful reader of my attempt to keep a blog.

This past weekend I traveled to Rome Georgia for a wedding of one of guys in my counseling class. Me and my Friend Miranda (also in my counseling class) road tripped it. There is something that happens on road trips that just does not happen in most other settings. I feel like a long road trip determines a friendship. All it takes is a road trip to figure out either, yes you really are that cool, or just kidding. Well I must say this road trip confirmed what i already knew about Miranda, she really is a great friend who is that cool.

I also got to see my long time friend Deborah May. It was a good weekend.

First Year Done!

So it's official I have completed my first year of Graduate school in my counseling program. I am now considered a 2nd year. Last week I attended graduation. It was a cool, and weird feeling to know that hopefully in one year i am going to be in that cap and gown walking across the stage getting my very own diploma. After working at the graduation ceremony me and two very close friends went to a hotel downtown and celebrated with expensive drinks and good conversation. The night ended with a few unexpected turns of events and there was some dancing in the street done at 2:00a.m. It was a great finish to my first year.

Monday when walking into the break room the air seemed different. It hit me we really are the new 2nd years. We had gotten new carpet in the halls, the clinic got new couches, and we were starting a new year! Lots of new was happening. I then went into the video to see who was counseling and stopped to take a moment. Really I am doing this, I am really in a grad school counseling program, I am not just watching someone practice in just a few moments I will be sitting with someone myself. There are some people in Orlando that know me as their "Counselor". This may sound weird but sometimes I look at the mirror and have conversations with myself. Actually if I am honest I have done this since I was young. In the video room you can see your reflection in the two way mirror and I had a "Oh my goodness this is really happening to you Lani" conversation with myself.

So since I have completed my first year let me end with few words to describe what all the first year was like.

My First Year in the MAC program:

New

Hard

Humbling

Vulnerable

Exciting

Different

Refreshing

Confusing

What? Did all that happen in one week? Yes it did

A circus

Exhausting

Known by others

Knowing others

Insecurities

Heard well

Loved

Tears mean something

Possibly Hopeful

My first "Live"

Last night I had my first "Live". Going "Live" means that you counsel a client and your supervision group watches behind a glass window. So last night I had my very first "Live". Even though my group last night consisted of only two people I was still nervous. It was a weird feeling knowing that people are watching and listening to everything you say or do.

I love that in this program we have both individual and group supervision. And we get two different supervisors for each. I enjoy both of my supervisors immensely. Last night was so neat to hear so much fed back from my group. I was so touched by their words of encouragement and of stirring more curiosity in me for this client. The client I went live with has had a incredibly painful life. It is common for me to shed tears after sessions due to the stories this client shares with me. Lately I have been feeling discouraged about how much my empathy overwhelms me. Last night my group supervisor Roger told me the feelings I am experiencing are showing me where to go with this client. Instead of saying "Lani you should not feel so much for your client, it's not your pain, your here to help this client".

He encouraged my tears.

One of the most powerful things said to me last night was "Lani this is a hard client". I started to cry . I have not allowed myself room to say this is a hard client. Somehow in my head hard clients are those with personality disorders or are hard to work with. So because this is not the situation I have not placed this client in the "Hard" Category. But yes this is a "Hard" client for completely different reasons. Sometimes I think I need to give myself more room to just be sad for the depravity of this world that slaps me in the face over and over with people's stories.

So first "Live" was quite the experience. And again I am so grateful for my group and my wonderful supervisor Roger.