My first "Live"

Last night I had my first "Live". Going "Live" means that you counsel a client and your supervision group watches behind a glass window. So last night I had my very first "Live". Even though my group last night consisted of only two people I was still nervous. It was a weird feeling knowing that people are watching and listening to everything you say or do.

I love that in this program we have both individual and group supervision. And we get two different supervisors for each. I enjoy both of my supervisors immensely. Last night was so neat to hear so much fed back from my group. I was so touched by their words of encouragement and of stirring more curiosity in me for this client. The client I went live with has had a incredibly painful life. It is common for me to shed tears after sessions due to the stories this client shares with me. Lately I have been feeling discouraged about how much my empathy overwhelms me. Last night my group supervisor Roger told me the feelings I am experiencing are showing me where to go with this client. Instead of saying "Lani you should not feel so much for your client, it's not your pain, your here to help this client".

He encouraged my tears.

One of the most powerful things said to me last night was "Lani this is a hard client". I started to cry . I have not allowed myself room to say this is a hard client. Somehow in my head hard clients are those with personality disorders or are hard to work with. So because this is not the situation I have not placed this client in the "Hard" Category. But yes this is a "Hard" client for completely different reasons. Sometimes I think I need to give myself more room to just be sad for the depravity of this world that slaps me in the face over and over with people's stories.

So first "Live" was quite the experience. And again I am so grateful for my group and my wonderful supervisor Roger.