Hope

"hope is more than saying, 'it will all be Ok'. As we'll see, suffering and struggle is very much a part of the journey toward freedom. But a hopeful vision dares to defy the voices of despair." - Chuck DeGroat book leaving Egypt

Repentance

I have heard a great many meanings to the word " Repentance".

But today I decided on the meaning I am going to stick with.

" repentance is not changing
Its agreeing with God that your screwed up" - Steve Brown

Happy Easter

My Easter morning consisted of making hot cross buns for a church brunch and picking some flowers in my back yard at my new apartment.

Who is that kitty in the window

This is not a deep or thought out post but couldn't help but take a picture and post it.
Love that my cats bring me smiles.

Pathology ...

Currently my occupation is: Substance Abuse Counselor. But honestly I am more of a case manager/social worker.
I work with people that are addicted to some form of Narcotic. One thing I can tell you is the stories these clients have astound me. Intense disruption is just part of their everyday life.
After sitting with 30 some clients I find that these Ct's are incredibly insightful, introspective, and can read people EXTREMELY Well.

Pathology. I hardly ever used this word in my pre-graduate life.  Now I find I say it and use it in sentences often.  So what does Pathology mean?  Well wikipedia defines it as "the precise study and diagnosis of a disease".  But I have learned to think of Pathology as something that is not so precise.  Last week I asked my friend Cheryl how she would define it.  Cheryl said "I would say Pathology is what gets in the way of our relationships". Well Said!
So since being at the Methadone clinic I have developed a little bit of a theory about Pathology. My Theory is: The more Pathology you were around growing up = the better/quicker you are to read people.  It is amazing how well clients can read people including me.
These clients did not attend training's or take classes.  Many did not finish high school, but they can read you in a snap. Many of them grew up in homes where they had no idea what mom would be like, if she would even remember to feed them.  They have had to learn how to read people so they can protect themselves and be ready for anything that comes their way.  They don't trust me. They feel hopeless to ever being free of drugs.  Mom still takes drugs, Dad is dead from overdosing, their siblings are in the same boat, their friends are in jail.  One client told me that out of the 8 friends they had only one is still alive.   I think Drug Addiction is a lonely addiction... maybe that's true of any addiction.
The other day a Client who has attempted rehab several times feels that they will never be able to be with out Methadone.  They are tired of talking about it.  I know the feeling. I once was venting to one of my beloved Professors in Seminary about this very thing. I feel like I have talked about my wounds and have struggled to know if I have really healed? I mean how many times can I talk about the same struggles, hurts, and pains?  How many years have I spent in counseling now? ... ugh
His kind reaction were these soft words, "Lani Healing happens in layers, like an onion". "You did talk, grieve, and heal for that time, but because you heal in layers God will bring another layer to surface to talk, grieve, and heal from".  
So I told this client that very same thing that was told me.  And the client said that neatest thing.
Client: "Maybe like an onion we have to shed some tears when those layers come off, and maybe if you don't cry maybe your not really peeling off layers of an onion".
Me: (tears welling up in my eyes) "That is so powerful... ".

Maybe we have to peel at our pathologies to find out where more healing and grieving can begin.

Valentines Day

I actually really enjoy Valentines Day.  I know that most single girls hate this day more than most but I actually love it more than most.  I have almost as much Valentines decorations as I do Christmas decorations.

This year I decided to use some crafty gifts my sister-in-law gave me to get my Craft on.

So Monday I baked.  I baked 74 Cupcakes!!! I spent about 5 hours in my small kitchen baking up a storm.

74 Valentines Day Cupcakes

I brought 2 trays of cupcakes into work for my co-workers.  Then yesterday afternoon I dropped off a plate of Cupcakes to the Ver Hoef's, the Youngs, and the Finch's.  
It was really fun! I kind of felt like a Valentine Cupcake Fairy.
I found myself singing "painting the roses red" from Alice in Wonderland.  It was a little bit red heart craziness there for a little while.

Once again yesterday I was reminded of good things that are a part of my life I am building here in Birmingham. It was fun to see so many friends all in one afternoon.  

I know this is kind of a crude, awkward cat photo, but I thought it was funny.  

A big thing

A big thing happened in my family this past week. My parents who have been living in the Philippines for the past 4 years moved back to the untied states of America. Dallas Texas to be exact.
It still hasn't quite sunk in that this really happened. It feels like they are just on another trip back to visit.
This was why I wanted to be in Texas to be close to my parents. It has been bitter sweet knowing this day is here. Sweet in that they are back but bitter in that I still have significant travel time to see them.

But they are on their way here to Birmingham to see me for the weekend. It will be an adventure for sure. We will be sleeping air mattresses. I am not sure how we will eat meals or even what it will look like to chill in the apartment with my limited seating. But I think my missionary parents can handle it. I mean they have had to sleep on floors in foreign counties .... This will be nothing ... Right?

I do wish I had a bed for them, a room for them,a table with chairs, and apartment that felt more like my home.

I am so glad they are coming.
I am glad they got to go to the philippines.
I am so very glad they are back.

Welcome Home Mom and dad!