Feels like Christmas

It's been a long last three days. I just took our Systematic Theology and Counseling class With Chuck DeGroat, he is simply put... an amazing proff. But it feels like Christmas because last year the Fall Semester ended with a 3 day class with him. I have gone to do the yearly Christmas shopping and there is a hustle and bustle that is quite noticeable.

Last night me and my roomie/friend Elizabeth went for a cool night walk it was so cold that our faces got a little red. The town I live in does this Christmas tradition where the Fire Fighters put Santa on their Fire Truck and go through the neighborhood and throw candy. So last night we got to see Santa, it was fun. Then walked home and drank hot coco and swirled it with a candy cane.

Finals Finished

Well I did it! I just turned in my last two papers for my final Fall Semester! gosh that feels good to say. I actually still have one more class to finish. It will be for three days December 13-15 and I am hoping that Chuck doesn't assign too much.

It's so crazy to think I only have one more semester left here WOW. I still have moments where I actually can't believe this is really happening. I am really in Seminary, I am really in Graduate School. I am really FOR REAL seeing clients and providing counseling services to individuals.

Though I am glad to be done, this day, this day has had a rough start. Last night I was up late for a good reason. I was skyping with my dear Hanai Grandma Lila and got to interview her for a class assignment. It was fun to see her face and talk story with her, but it made me miss her and made me miss Hawaii. So I had some trouble falling asleep. Then the morning... I got to school and realized that I had left my cell phone at home, I wore my house shoe out instead of putting on the shoes i had intended to wear, I left my special Starbucks cup, I left my lipstick I wanted to wear, I left my sunglasses, I left this book I wanted to look at, I left my watch. Then I had a moment where I thought I lost this paper I had wrote yesterday that was due today, but luckily I had a classmate help me find it! thank God. So it's kind of been one of those "No good, Terribly, Horrible, Very Bad Day's". But it did bring me much joy to turn those papers in.

Other Life Hap's, Tomorrow is our Clinical Review. This is where you sit before every supervisor at RTS and they give you 15 min feed back. While they keep telling us it's no big deal and not to worry, something about having lots of very important people looking at you, listening to you, watching you answer questions makes me kind of nervous. Maybe I will try to blog about that sometime after tomorrow.

A Christmas Surprise

So if you have been reading my blog you know that life's been a little rough with hints of some sweetness.

I have not blogged about Christmas because frankly it would have been too painful. I have been trying very hard to not think about Christmas a whole lot this year for many different reasons like my family is so spread out, my parents are far away, being single, just to name a few reasons . I have hated the normal question, "Lani what are you doing for Christmas?" I had planned on Christmas being me and my cats just trying to make it through the day. I had so many great kind offers for the holidays and yet nothing seemed to feel what my heart was aching for... my family.

Last week after a long conversation with my friend Elizabeth she said I should go be with my brother. So a week ago I bought a ticket to California, and was happy that I was going to get to see my brother.

This past weekend I had the most horrible dream. I awoke in a panic and filled with deep sadness, I missed my parents deeply and wanted to be with them terribly. Elizabeth was so kind to listen to my whole dream and hear me talk through life phases yet to come that I dread. Then we went for a nice Saturday walk and ate at the Oviedo Townhouse which is this cute little small town restaurant. Then enjoyed my afternoon doing a few things. I had wrote my parents an e-mail to call me when they got a chance because I just wanted to hear their voices. Then heading out to my evening I got a call from my mom, I shared with her about my bad dream then she said I am so sorry to hear about your bad dream but I have some good news. I was like what? She said we are house sitting for a couple in Laguna Beach, California for the holidays were leaving for California tomorrow, and so we will pick you up at the airport.... Silence.... I was in shock.. What? What's going to happen? I think I asked my mom to tell me again. I still can't believe it, I was planning on spending my Christmas alone with my cats, and now I will be spending Christmas with my brother, sister-in-law, niece, and my parents. I am going to be with my WHOLE FAMILY for Christmas. I was filled with gladness my eyes would not stop with the flowing of tears. I am thrilled to post on my blog, that I will be HAVING Christmas with the people i love more than LIFe itself, and I will not a "Blue Christmas" but as "Fabulous Christmas".

I feel so lucky, blessed, excited, and so relieved for my unexpected Christmas surprise.

Thanksgiving done differently

Here are just a few pictures of my Fall season. It started out with a trip to IN to visit my cousin, and taking her two boys to a Pumpkin Patch. It was true Fall.

Then back in Orlando. Me, Elizabeth and Cheryl made the most amazing carmel apples. They were Really Delicious if I must say so myself.

Then Thanksgiving day started out early. I was up @ 6:00a.m. getting ready for my 2nd Turkey Trot with Elizabeth. I did not train as much actually I didn't really train at all for this race so my body was feeling it later that day. But it was a fun race to do, i might just make this my new tradition.

So since it's been quite the month. After talking with my roommate and dearest friend Elizabeth we decided to do something totally different and crazy for Thanksgiving. So my Thanksgiving was spent at the Marriott Resort. I spent my thanksgiving day laying by the pool, reading my Martha Magazine, and just chilling. The evening was spent enjoying a bottle of prosecco, eating a delicious bacon burger, sharing what we are thankful for, and having carrot cake in a king size comfy bed. Then at 12:30 a.m. the fire alarm went off and we had to evacuate the building. The fire alarm was THE MOST ANNOYING SOUND EVER!. But no worries all was fine, it just was hard to fall back asleep. It will be a thanksgiving I will never forget!

So now I am in South Carolina enjoying chilling and relaxing while Elizabeth does her wedding stuff. It has been a one of kind weekend so thankful for friends and for crazy last minute ideas that make life rich and full

My Banner

Due to some thoughts and reading of others thoughts. I have decided I think I am ready to share one of my life's banner on my blog.

My Banner : "Christians don't Lament Enough"

I am drawn to Christians that Lament. When I hear someone lamenting, I get encouraged, excited, it makes me feel normal. Somehow (my experience) I feel that as Christians we are to rejoice, give thanks, and make a joyful noise... more than we are to Lament. HOLD on. I am not saying that those things are wrong. But we live in a Fallen world, this is not Heaven. I hardly ever walk into church and hear people Lament, I mean really feeling the intensity of really Letting God hear our REAL thoughts about life.

I recently was asked the question to fill in the blank.

God is _______________________

I think the church teaches me to say things like Good, Mighty, Wonderful. But I wonder what if no one was looking, what if no one could hear you, what if you let your true self be heard. How would you answer the question?

Other thoughts...

Last night i asked my friend about heaven on earth. She said that there are echos of it, for tastes. I asked so when? where? how? have you experienced the echos and for tastes? Her response was in nature, mountains, sunsets, standing in the middle of a forest. In conversations with friends, laughter with others, being heard. She also mentioned having a good meal and eating food that is so Ono (Hawaiian for good), so delicious and tasty.

Question: do you hear the Echos of Heaven do experience for tastes?

somehow I feel this post it just the start of one ongoing long post

A Hard Place to be

To just be honest. This place, this season, this life is nothing short of just plain down right HARD!

In talking with some dear people in my life I keep hearing this life just is not the way it's suppose to be. Due to some great Words of my dear friends that keep ringing in my ears I want to write out some words of things that feel hard in my life right now.

It's hard.

To allow myself to feel certain things

To allow myself to hope

To believe in change

To hear certain words

To walk through certain seasons

To realize though I have done MUCH counseling in my life that there are some things that may never change in me on this side of heaven

To sometimes get up and face the day

To know how not to let certain things/feelings control you

To know what righteous anger means

To struggle financially

To trust in God

To believe in sovereignty

To let God's love for me sink in

To not know what will happen next in my life

To know when to set boundaries

To look at the depravity in the world

To speak to the dignity

To fight for justice

To let myself know what it means to really REST

To REST

To HOPE

To DREAM

To LOVE and be LOVED

"My God, this world is a hard place to live sometimes"

a quote I found today...

couldn't have say it better myself

A quote

"At the heart of all beauty lies something inhuman..." -Camus

A friend shared this quote with me yesterday and it left me speechless.