Dissapointment

Disappointment.
Disappointment is Not something many like to always talk about.  Nothing about Disappointment feels happy, exciting or makes you want to go Yippie.  When I sometimes bring up this topic with Clients they resist it like the plague but boy do I understand,  Nothing fun to say in talking disappointments.
But just like every other feeling Disappointment is real and feels quite strong and powerful.
The way I talk to myself in my head when faced or facing disappointment is nothing but cruel.

Over the past few days in some little and some big ways I have felt disappointment. Feeling disappointment also leaves me feeling frustrated. Tonight when I felt it there was even a sudden reaction I noticed that I stomped my foot in anger... Why God? Why would you allow me to feel such things in such ways?   Why would you give me tastes of things that I desire and want?  Why ? Why do you allow me to feel so much in my disappointment? Why have you allowed me to know and build such a great community to have it be ending all too soon? Why do people love me so much? Why do I hate when I am loved?

I am disappointed that something I worked so hard and long for is now coming to a end.  I am disappointed that I am with out a companion to do life with.  I am disappointed that I am the only who I make decisions with. I am disappointed in desiring so much because well then I get hurt.  I am hurt.  I am disappointed in how I have handled some relationships. I am disappointed in how others have handled certain relationship and situations with me.  I am disappointed that I can't make my Clients change, that I don't have the power to make them like me.  Or rather that not everyone that knows me or will know me will like me.  I am disappointed that there are people in the world that don't like me.
I am disappointed that I long for things that seem so far out of my reach.

My heart aches ....